In the midst of the election flurry last week the Ontario government announced legislation which would allow certain people in positions of responsibility, such as doctors, to say sorry and avoid litigation. In some ways it makes sense. People have become far too ready to take legal action when mistakes are made. There are times when a genuine apology makes the most sense, rather than a court case. Below is the National Post's take on what the new law would do:The Apology Act would, if passed:-
Allow individuals and organizations, such as hospitals and other public institutions, to apologize for an accident or wrongdoing, without it being used as evidence of liability in a civil legal proceeding under provincial law-
Help victims by acknowledging that harm has been done to them - an apology is often key to the healing process-
Promote accountability, transparency and patient safety by allowing open and frank discussions between patients and health care providers-
Enhance the affordability and speed of the justice system by fostering the resolution of civil disputes and shortening or avoiding litigation.
The key to any "my bad" is its sincerity. An apology, followed by forgiveness and reconciliation is a central gospel principle and helps us make sense of the cross and resurrection .
In the summer I came across this piece on How to be Sorry.
It's not about you. The act is a step in support of a relationship that's considered important.
Accept responsibility. This isn't the time to share the blame or to present mitigating circumstances or excuses.
Express regret. Show remorse over the hurt over the action caused...Not "I'm sorry if you were offended" but "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
Apologize face to face if possible. Delivering it over the phone or through e-mail lacks sincerity.
Virginia Daily Press
As a pastor listening to people dealing with issues of alienation in relationships all the time this seemed like wise advice. Do you have a "sorry" still unsaid or some you wish were expressed to you?
4 comments:
Two thoughts came to mind...the memory of a stubborn 7-ish year old (me) banished to my bedroom until I apologized and vowing that I'd show them and starve to death before I'd come out and apologize.I don't remember the circumstances but I remember the righteous feeling, although my parents were/are reasonable folk sound undoubtedly an aplogy was owing. I have passed the same experience on to my own daughters, and I see the same determination in their young eyes.I guess I hoped that they might begin to understand the true essence of an apolgy not just empty words to get you on with life.
I was very interested in your press article in todays blog speaking to what an apology means to relationships.
So often in life, we simply want to be understood. We don't always have to agree but to offer understanding of another is a great gift. And often a heartfelt apology offers just that....an understanding of how another feels.
Seek not so much to be understood, as to understand...
Working with Justice Circles, the act of saying sorry is so helpful for all parties involved. I saw many people open up to the young offender and accept what they had to say. Two words with so much power. "I'm sorry"
Thanks to both "Laur"s. I think we do end up starving ourselves spiritually when we are unable to apologize.
Sometimes I wish healing circles were part of congregational life. Too often people feel that there is power in not saying sorry rather than in taking the risk of that heartfelt apology.
Unfortunately, saying sorry can be seen as a sign of weakness. It shows in an obvious way that we have made a mistake and that we are less than perfect. For this very reason, an apology is a display of strength and integrity.
I have always made a point of saying sorry to my boys when I know I'm in the wrong. I want them to know that parents make mistakes too and that parents also need forgiveness sometimes. For some reason though, it's a lot harder to say sorry to my partner. Again, I think it's that I don't want to admit that I'm in the wrong. Practicing these actions at home though has to happen if we want to see it outside the home.
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