For the past few days I was out of the country so that I could participate in the 80th birthday celebration of my Aunt Jo. She is my mother's sister, a lively and fun-loving soul who lives in the state of Maryland. Her three children practiced the fine art of deception to totally surprise her with a party which celebrated their love for her and her love for them. The gathered clan included adult grandchildren and their adorable babies, as well as a grand-daughter who is about to give birth within weeks. There was a nice combination of blubbering and laughter to mark the occasion. Aunt Jo deserved the affection.
I drove down with my brother and neice to represent the Ontario clan and thoroughly enjoyed being part of the gathering. I am the outsider in a way because it is only in the past couple of years that I have reconnected with my cousins and their families. For years we have lived at too great a distance to visit regularly and my profession tends to require weekend work! Fortunately they have graciously welcomed the prodigal into the family circle. After the Saturday party I had a chance to chat with several of my cousins' children who are leading interesting lives.
How do we put a price on the value of family? In ministry there are many conversations with parishioners about family, often focussing on the tensions and pain of relationships. This is simply a reality of daily existence whether we seek Christ's presence in our lives or not.
When we read the bible there are many stories of families which put the fun in dysfunctional. There are also powerful stories of reconciliation and reunification. I think it is fair to say that Jesus' parable of the Prodigal Son is the all-time favourite.
The thousand kilometre return trip yesterday got me home late in the evening, but it was worth it. I hope your family stories include opportunities for loving connection and hopeful reconciliation.
3 comments:
It's hard to break the cycles of dysfunction in families. I am learning that dysfunction can sometimes be in the eye of the beholder. This revelation hasn't really helped me in any way yet, but still I can see that over time what splits a family apart fades as the distance between members widens. Some say time changes everything, and others claim time changes nothing. Probably both claims are true. Recently I attempted to reconnect with a brother. It had no effect. Maybe one day I will make another attempt. Possibly the only way to get his attention would be to find out his home address and show up at his door.(Wouldn't it be worth a millon bucks to show up holding a suitcase?) I wonder what his response would be?
“As if my family saw stray bullets all around us, they held me out in front of them like a shield. When finally, all bloody, I protested, they all ran away taking cover at their separate hearths, shutting me out of each potential refuge. I took the form of the dirty rag, an object of their contempt . .. Banished from the kingdom of acceptance, a leper of sorts, insanity brewed in place of a healthy skin, and I held my madness in front of me like a wielded spear.”
I wrote that about 15 years ago. Today’s blog brought it instantly to mind and I was able to find it right away. (Weird but true) I never noticed before how I used the images of shield and spear. I didn’t notice that I myself was positioned as both the shield and the spear simultaneously. Every day I learn something, whether I want to or not. This went down like cod liver oil.
Perhaps with the suitcase and a "honey, I'm home!" I think what you say about the eye of the beholder is very true. My wife, Ruth, works with women and children who leave abusive relationships. Their "normal" is often hugely destructive and one of the difficult aspects of her work is watching women return to abuse because it is all they really know.
Many of us attempt to reconcile with family and there is no guarantee it will work. My prayer for you is that the door will one day be opened.
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