You might think that a dozen women in my living room talking about anger before worship would have me quaking in my boots. I was long gone before they arrived yesterday and I was actually glad they were there. My wife, Ruth, was leading the first of three sessions on Women and the Spirituality of Anger. Ruth is the outreach counsellor for Bethesda House, the local shelter for women and children leaving abusive relationships. She leads workshops on women and anger, but this was a first connecting women, anger and faith.
We still live in a culture where women are encouraged to suppress anger or label it as something else. And when women do get angry they tend to be criticized for doing so much more readily than men.
What is appropriate anger for women who are Christians, and men, for that matter? Ruth was impressed by the turnout and the willingness of the women to participate. She tells me that they are an insightful bunch, which doesn't surprise me.
Female or male, do you feel you handle anger appropriately, or does it handle you? Were you one of the participants in this group? Should we address anger and the life of faith more openly?
6 comments:
The dynamic of this kind of group fascinates me (an old psychology major!) In terms of age we spanned at least 4 decades, and to a woman everyone offered an insightful comment. It was such a shame that we had to adjourn and go to church!
Yes, we need to address anger and the life of faith more openly. Many (male and female) are carrying more anger than they realize, and it compromises our ability to practise our faith as Christians. Under Ruth's exceptional leadership, we will progress toward this personal goal.
Darned church, gettin' in the way all of the time! That was classic, Mrs. Rice. Awesome.
All kidding aside, David's addressed anger a few times in the last while. Probably a good thing. I tend to kick the stuffing out of something (hockey pucks in the driveway, or the weights at the gym) and I always end up feeling better by the end.
Usually for me, anger is triggered by someone who is not listening to me, or who is refusing to see/dismissing my point of view.
Anger = toxicity. I am a walking tailings pond!
It was interesting to gather with, as one participant commented "a very atypical group" for a discussion on anger:all seemingly calm, coping female folk which only emphasized to me that so many of us, perhaps women in particular, bury our anger to our own (and the world's) detriment.
In Sunday School we have been studying an angry Jesus, as he turned over tables in the Temple, which had become a corrupt marketplace. We realized that Jesus is good and Jesus got angry. The teens were especially interesting as they digested/reconciled Jesus' action.
Having just come out of the "sweetness" of Christmas and a gentle, little baby, acknowledging Jesus humanity and example confirmed that anger isn't bad, in and of itself, even though it most often feels that way. We talked about courage and passion to stand up for what is right, whether it involves us or others, even though it may feel very uncomfortable and go against societal norms.
Was comforting hearing all the "me to" and nods as we shared on Sunday (okay, and perhaps a few laughs,in good fun , at the expense of males). It does help knowing others experience similar feelings, especially when it is something we tend not to talk about and yes, I do think we need to talk about dealing with anger. The world ain't perfect yet so there is bound to be anger!
So, am I the Rodney Dangerfield of the clergy set? There is just no respect in saying that its a shame to go to church! I'll let you off the hook Jan, and you as well Ian, for your obvious glee.
Ian, I haven't directly addressed anger, but you have "connected the dots" between anger and forgiveness. As Johnny points out there is a fairly simple equation: unresolved anger equals toxicity. Often my greatest concern for those who can't let go of anger is the effect it has on them rather than the other persons.
I too am glad that the Sunday School has been looking at Jesus' example of anger. His anger at injustice is balanced with "father forgive them" on the cross.
Recently, I was with my son, talking with someone about his anger. She was talking about strategies to use if he begins to feel himself getting angry. What methods can he use to help him stop before he reaches this point.
Immediately, I interrupted. In this case, my son had become angry because some kids were teasing him for crying. Well! I'd be angry too! And he had a right to be angry! Anger is not bad. How we express our anger can lead to negative consequences. Anger can actually lead to positive actions. It can motivate us to change the world. Jesus in the temple is a great example.
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