The hectic pace of congregational life has finally slowed and last week I was able to get into several nursing homes and the hospital to visit some of our seniors. I can't stop thinking about three of those visits with elderly members who were lovely, cheerful individuals until recently. Two of them are in advancing stages of Alzheimers and the other had a stroke before Christmas.
The one woman, in a home in Oshawa, cared for her paraplegic husband for decades. Within months of his death five years ago she began to display erratic behaviour and not long after that she was in a nursing home. She was cheerful to begin with, but is now so angry and suspicious of others that she can't share a room. They have taken the mirrors out of her room because she sees an enemy in the reflection and attacks it.
The man was jolly even as he recovered from his stroke, but in the past couple of months he has become belligerent, critical of his wife for not joining him in the nursing home even though she doesn't need to be there.
The other woman is still as sweet as ever with me, but she has displayed sudden moments of aggression with nurses in the hospital, confused and annoyed that she is stuck in the unfamiliar environment. Her caring daughter is resigned to moving her into a nursing home where there is a secure unit because she has "escaped" from the private home where she has been quite happy.
All three are "addled," their usual character and thought processes scrambled by illness and disease. Those who deal with them professionally now have little idea of their previous selves. It all seems so unfair, and while these visits can be difficult these are people not just diminished patients. They are God's children who deserve to be treated with respect. We can do this because we are their Christian community even though it isn't always convenient or comfortable.
What are your thoughts on this?
5 comments:
So very sad to hear about these individuals.
The last few months have been an eye opener for me, as I have seen and heard about people in a nursing home who are affected in a similar way. I have also seen how some workers of nursing homes do seem to have little patience or understanding for these people. They are surely in the minority.
Nursing home residents deserve respect, care and dignity, even when the circumstances are so challenging.
I would agree with johnny.
It's heartbreaking and unfair that people get ripped from themselves like this; their bodies still functioning.
From the limited exposure I have had with nursing home staff most have been hard working and caring individuals. I have encountered a few who seem to have become desensitized to their patients focusing only on the task at hand. I did voice my opinion once and said if that was your Mom or Grandma would you still speak the same way - the caregiver mumbled something and moved on embarassed. We need to put ourselves in the other persons shoes and realize these are individuals who not that long ago were part of active communities, worked productively at jobs, supported families and are loved and cherished members of the same families they supported in years past. To "judge the book by the cover" is not fair when it comes to the physically disabled and the same holds true for individuals dealing with challenges brought on by Alzheimers or strokes. We so often hear the phrase "there but for the Grace of God go you or I" and we need to live by that phrase and not just speak it.
I just read a wonderful little book on caregiving called The Caregiver's Tao Ching. It is based in Eastern philosophy/spirituality,yet so much lines up with and compliments our Christian faith. I found it really helped me feel more balanced again in a role as a caregiver and why we do what we do.
It spoke of humanity's underlying compassion, that so easily gets lost as caregivers in our sense of duty, or search for approval or our desire to control, and fix, and busy ourselves through the often "uncomfort" of caring.
Just as you said David, the authors reminded readers to turn the focus back to our inherent compassion, which is at the core of our Christian beliefs, and to become vulnerable ourselves in our discomfort, and to truly honour our loved ones.
I have lent the book out so can't refer precisely, but was struck by the authors' notion also of oneness...not a caregiver helping one in need, but a mutual relationship of blessings offerred..(they said it better)amidst the difficulties, and having spent fair time with a loved one diminished by Alzheimer's, I attest to the gifts I have received back in this time feeling greater than anything I have been able to offer.
Such helpful comments folks! What you have written certainly expands on my original thoughts, what I always hope for with this blog.
My experience too is that most professional caregivers are very supportive, although from time to time there is someone who should be doing other work.
I like that concept of mutual blessing. I have felt blessed by those I visit even in their most vulnerable moments of life.
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