Tamara Shopsin
Later this year our daughter Jocelyn will "tie the knot" with her partner Jeff. We're happy for them and look forward to the wedding, although you could argue that the knot has been tied for a while. They are in year six of home-ownership together, they have a cat and a dog, and now they will marry.
Our hope is that they will have a long and happy life together. We wish the same for the nephew from one side of the family who will get married this summer, and the niece from the other. Yup, 2015 is the Year of the Wedding in our clan.
There have been several articles on marriage in the New York Times recently which give different perspectives on the institution of marriage, although not necessarily conflicting outlooks. One reflects on research that finds a greater number of young Americans are marrying later or not at all, the highest percentage in modern history. I can't be sure, but I imagine this applies to Canada as well.
Another study finds that the conventional wisdom that one of two marriages will end up in divorce is no longer true, if it ever was. The trend is for those who do marry to stay married, which is what most couples I have wed say is their intention.
Now a study out of Vancouver and the National Bureau of Economic Research says that we are generally happier when we are married than when we are single. Marriage tends to help in getting through the tough times including the stresses of midlife. And today married couples are more likely to be equals and friends. In another time marriage was more utilitarian with hubby bringing home the bacon and wifey acting as homemaker. Apparently the more financially stable a couple is, the more likely they are to be mutual companions, confidantes, and friends. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/08/upshot/study-finds-more-reasons-to-get-and-stay-married.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&module=second-column-region®ion=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=0&abt=0002&abg=1
It's encouraging to read that marriage is a knot that holds us together rather than a noose. None of these studies, at least in the way they are reported, say anything about the role of religion in marital longevity and happiness, which is interesting. I would say that our faith and the commitment of our marital vows has been a factor in our almost-39-year marriage. Yet we have siblings and I have parents whose faith was important to them and had Christian weddings who ended up divorced.
All of which reminds us to stay humble when it comes to the mystery of marriage, to be kind when it comes to divorce, and to thank God for the gift of each day in relationship.
Have you got the whole marriage thing figured out? Dare you comment?
4 comments:
In my first marriage, I was hoping there was an expiry date on the marriage certificate.
On my second time around, things are much better, and I noticed it is much more enjoyable having a wife who is not a psychopath.
Commitment, kindness and honesty, as well as fun, are good qualities to sustain a marriage. The sheer desire not to have to go through divorce can make a couple work harder to make a life together ... it helps a lot if you start out with someone you already like and respect.... I was lucky for 23 years, having this.
PS - Congrats to your young family members - many blessings are wished for them.
I'm happy to admit that I have reached the stage where "collective" memory, shared with my dear spouse, has become an absolute necessity for navigating life's "hazards".
Even though differences can be encountered in relationships where expressed lives of faith are not shared, mutual respect for one another's perspective and shared human values can overcome these differences.
Might I add my own congratulations to Jocelyn and Jeff and the rest of your family David.
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