The Most Important Resolution of 2023?

As the new year commences I'll offer the observation that resolutions for chumps and those who court failure. Okay, I may be a bit cynical after decades of mixed success in my own earnest attempts. Even though "they" have discovered that resolutions don't change much I do feel that doing an "examen" in different aspects of our lives, including spiritual, asking what we can change to bring health and reconciliation in personal relationships and in the broader perspective. Cynicism isn't an option for people of Christian hope. 

There is a resolution I would heartily recommend to everyone, and particularly those of us who are getting on in years. Prepare for the end. I don't mean adopt a catastrophic worldview, which is a mistake at any age. I'm talking about the practicalities of aging, failing health, end-of-life plans, and arrangements for the send-off of choice. 

One of our most painful experiences of 2022 was attending the memorial service of a beloved elder, a woman of faith and joi de vivre, who died rather suddenly. Her adult children were not on speaking terms, or at least with one of them, because of mental illness which resulted in this person's erratic behaviour, angry outbursts, and general belligerence. 

In the absence of clear plans for a funeral or memorial this sibling was given carte blanche to make arrangements. This became hellish for the funeral directors, the clergyperson, and the church musician. In the service, this person gave the only "tribute" which became an interminable ramble which was so self-absorbed that neither the lovely mother nor siblings and grandchildren received much more than passing attenton. At the cemetery adult grandchildren were reduced to tears by unacceptable behaviour. Only the skill and pastoral care of the minister and musicians saved this occasion from total disaster. 

I appreciate that this sounds like an extreme situation, and it certainly was. Yet we were also aware of another last year where a service was never held because of family tensions. I also spoke with decent, caring folk who were trying to provide support and direction for ill and dying family members while others were actually an impediment to doing so because of indifference or denial. 

Most of these issues were a reality all through my ministry but they seem to have become more pronounced in a time when fewer and fewer people are connected to communities of faith and are often suspicious of traditions and the expertise of others. 

Please, please live your life fully,  but do everything you can to make your wishes known in terms of power of attorney, end-of-life directives, and funerals. Put it in writing and, whenever possible, have a direct, eyeball to eyeball conversation with those who are closest to you, preferably all in the same room at the same time. This may require patience, and courage, and insistence, but for God's sake and your sake, do it. It's one of the most loving and practical things you undertake in 2023. 

How is that for a resolution?!