There was an article in a recent Macleans magazine about a new book by Monique Lepine, the mother of Marc Lepine. Lepine was the young man who murdered 14 innocent women at the Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal before taking his own life. It was a horrible senseless act of rage. The evening it happened Ms. Lepine was on her way to a church prayer meeting and included the family of the murderer in her prayers as well as the victims. She had no idea she was praying for herself until later that night. She has spent the better part of two decades trying to make sense of what happened within her own family and the book is called, appropriately, Aftermath.
As I read about her personal journey through hell I thought about the several families who have approached me about difficult circumstances with adult, or near-adult children during the past two weeks. Of course there is nothing as serious as the Lepine story, but these households are going through great pain, and a combination of bewilderment, shame, anger, and exhaustion as they attempt to love those who are often unlovely in their actions. And how can one child in a family be so different than the others even though they were raised with the same opportunities and values?
In the story of David in the bible one of his great sources of pain was his third son Absalom. Even when the brilliant but wayward Absalom plotted rebellion against his father David was reluctant to crush him. David attempts reconciliation but eventually Absalom dies in a bizarre situation. David cries out "would I have died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son." 2 Samuel 18:33.
I would encourage you to keep these families of our larger St. Paul's family in your prayers. They want the best for their loved ones, and we can ask for God's loving intervention in their hearts.
I am not sure I could read this book right now. What would scare me the most about reading this book, is the self knowledge that I have been in such horrifying places within my own mind, that I can almost touch a mind such as this. Once, a long time ago, while I was being seroiusly abused by another bigger stronger person, and I thought that perhaps I would not make it out alive, I had this overwhelming grief well up inside of me for the person causing me such harm. I saw him suffering, and it was his suffering that became crystal clear to me as I waited for the ordeal to end. And yet, later in my life, I became so empty that anger was the only emotion I seemed to feel. I became the thing that I pitied. I didn't learn much, even with that imprint of trauma to keep the lesson vivid. My own anger consumed me. For some reason I found myself thinking of why people go into stores or restuarants and shoot away. I knew the answer was that a soul can be drained right out of a person, although ultimately it remains that person's choice whether to let that happen or not. So, I guess, I offer no real insight into why this happens. I can only say that I believe it is in the realm of possiblity for everyone. I will probably one day pick this book up, at a better time in my life. It would be hard to look, but I think the problem is that we still believe that to see no evil will make it go away, make us less responsible for the flaws in our own collective conscience. These are the places I have always tried to push myself through. I have made a conscious effort to look my own darkest thoughts right in the eye. I can only imagine what a mother in this position would feel, how she would go on. I guess I am afraid I would recognize myself in her son, even as I recognized myself in her. I don't know who this boy was, but I know he was one of us. He was given life for the same reason the rest of us were given life. I have heard it said by reporters who interview people on death row, that what shocks the most is the realization that the murders are people. We tend to expect them to be something other than that.
ReplyDeleteHaving known a family that has experienced a similar tragedy in their family, I have thought that the only way one could carry on in life after an offspring were to commit such an act of rage towards another individual, or the world, was to turn your energies to finding some small way of changing the world for the better in light of the tragedy. So often these angry people are also victims: victims of bullying, loneliness and a failing in our systems. Although this in no way excuses the behavior,it adds to the sadness and reminds us of the fragility of all humans. I may find the courage to read this book. I did find the biblical passage you shared, as it was unfamiliar to me. I am reminded how strong parental love can be, even when it would be easier to
ReplyDeletepass. I suppose God feels that way with the world at times.