I listened to a radio interview yesterday with a reporter for Slate Magazine who did a piece on abortion in China. Approximately 12 million abortions are performed every year in China, a staggering number really, roughly the population of Ontario. The reporter was intrigued because the number of abortions reflects a number of societal issues in China, including poor sex education in rural areas, persisting mores about premarital sex which lead to silence on the subject, and discouragement from having more than one child. Of course many of us might argue that a country of 1.3 billion people doesn't need more children, especially those who are unwanted.
It made me wonder about what our society and our faith communities do to discuss abortion in an open and honest way. Some churches, including the Roman Catholic church and a number of evangelical Christian denominations are emphatically against abortion under any circumstances. I was furious when I heard a few months ago that a doctor in South America had been excommunicated for performing an abortion on an nine-old-girl who had been raped by her step father. The doctor was convinced she would die if he didn't proceed. Where is the love of Christ in this?
On the other hand, our denomination says next to nothing on the subject. The official line is freedom of choice, but most UCC ministers avoid the subject like the plague. Some folk who have come to the United Church from other denominations have expressed puzzlement at our silence. Many years ago a woman came to me after having an abortion. She was filled with remorse and could hardly function. We walked through her pain over the months following, and in one discussion she wondered aloud if it would have helped to have heard something from the pulpit. Yet I just don't speak about the subject.
What are your thoughts? Obviously this is not just a religious issue. China has been staunchly atheistic for several generations now. Do we have a responsibility to discuss this openly and honestly? What about with our young people? Surely it is an ethical and moral issue and a very personal one as well.
There was a time when I thought the issue of abortion was black and white for me. Then I had to face a medical dilemma and everything changed. When I was pregnant with my twins I had hyper-emesis. I was told from the onset that I may have to chose between my life or theirs. I chose theirs without so much as a blink. However, I can’t truly take credit for heroics because I was shortly after given a fairly new drug that did work and allowed me to digest food again. It was a situation that could have gone horribly, but in the end it never came anywhere close to life and death. It was a false sense of security as regards my convictions. It was a test perhaps, but not a very tough one. Truthfully my conviction may have failed me had I known then what a horrifying nightmare hyper-emesis can be. I was protected by ignorance really. All three of us could have died. However, my next pregnancy did not go so well. This time I was told that my baby had died but that I would have to carry it to term anyway. I had already lost its twin. I didn’t feel I could do this and did find a doctor willing to remove the fetus on the condition that I have an ultra-sound to confirm the baby had died. First of all, when I had the ultra sound I was informed that there was a mistake. The baby was not dead, so I had to go home not knowing what to think. It was a roller coaster. Eventually I was told that her spine was not attached to her head properly and she would not likely have any self awareness ever. She would be a vegetable. Again everything changed. Was it fair to give birth to a girl who would never be aware that she even existed? What would that do to my older children? How could I look after them as well? Would I have to sacrifice my life in another way? I would essentially be unavailable from then on to my children, my husband, my self. But what if this too was a mistake? What if she did have awareness? What does this say about the value of a life? I had to go through the whole decision making process a second time, this time over a baby with a heart beat. A little while after the ultra sound my baby died on her own and exited on her own. I was thankful for her, and also relieved for her. I had spent all the time in between praying to be released from this decision. One more note though. While I waited in line for that ultra-sound the nurse behind the window announced very loudly that I was there for an abortion. I nearly fell over. I hadn’t even thought of it as an abortion because my baby was dead. A woman standing behind me gasped and jumped into full lecture mode. She berated me while I stood there reeling from the blow. She told me she would raise my baby herself, etc. etc. I managed to get out that my baby was dead and wondered aloud as to how she might raise her. She was silent after that. Only God knows what mercy will look like. What I learned is that sometimes a firmly held conviction can be a very ugly thing. It was difficult holding that life in my hands, but while her heart beat, she was alive. When I saw her on the ultra sound she was a living creature. She was loved, which is why I think in the end I would not have asked her to go on for the sake of a conviction.
ReplyDeleteWow, pupil, you have experienced it, and I would say in the end, God does work in mysterious ways, in that you were released from your decision.
ReplyDeleteHaving never been pregnant, I do not know of all of these emotions, however I am very greatful for a mother somewhere in China who chose not to have an abortion, as I am a mother because she chose life. Her daughter is also my daughter.
There is a book by Canadian author Ting-Xing Ye called "Throwaway Daughter". (Ting-Xing was just a guest author at the Bowmanville library) It is about a Chinese girl who has been adopted by a Canadian family. Each chapter is told from a different person's point of view. The girl-Grace, her birth grandfather (who insists the birth mother abort the child) and the birth mother. The story ends with Grace saying that she has only one hero in her life, that being her birth mother, as she chose to put Grace in an orphanage where she would survive.
This is a very controversial topic. I do not think less of the doctor who gave an abortion to the young 9 year old. In cases of rape I do see abortion as an option, however I do not see it as a means of birth control.
I do have a responsibility to discuss this with my young person. Somethings have been discussed as questions are asked, and she is open with her friends. However, the "abandonment" and abortion piece can wait, as I am not fully convinced it was abandonment but a willingness to have a child live, which will be my story when I am asked.
A number of people have told me recently that they read my blog in the morning and then read again at night for the comments.
ReplyDeleteI hope folk check in for both of your responses. Thank you for each perspective. Well worth reading.
Like Pupil and Nancy, and your comments David, I believe there are extenuating circumstances that make the option of abortion necessary. I can't imagine the angusih of the choices you had to consider, Pupil.
ReplyDeleteRecently though I heard of a young Mom I know of who finds herself expecting baby #4. She has 3 delightful kids, who have so benefitted from her commitment to mothering. ..However her husband now finds himself out of work, and she considered aborting this fourth child, as it was unplanned and times are tough.
Ultimately she decided against it, but I was naive and startled that it was even a consideration, and that the other young Moms in her circle all supported this consideration.
I can't imagine the pain of having to give a baby up for adoption, but for the life of me can't fathom that taking life from that baby would come with less anguish.
It fears me that our society has grown so entitled to "personal freedoms" and that we (society) no longer feel we have a "right" to have a say in what is right and responsible for the greater good.
Although these young Mom's and I have kids the same age (okay, my youngest, their oldest) I am old enough to be their mother, definitely of a different generation but these conversations made me realize that indeed this is a topic that needs to be kept in discussion in each generation.
These are three of the lengthiest comments for any blog entry I have written. Entirely appropriate given that this is a complex and sensitive issue. It can hardly be summed up in a sentence or two.
ReplyDeleteInteresting that all three tell personal stories. Abortion is not just an "issue." It affects real people making difficult decisions.
Thank you for adding so meaningfully to the discussion
I found the conversation interesting, although I don't have a personal experience to add. I've actually found our denomination's position on abortion to be quite helpful though.
ReplyDeleteIf you're interested in seeing the position of the United Church, check out the following web site:
http://www.united-church.ca/beliefs/policies/1980/c511
Thanks for joining the conversation and adding the helpful link. I'll go back and look again. It is not our official position that is concern to me. The United Church is usually very balanced and thoughtful and I remember reading our literature when speaking with the woman I mention years ago.
ReplyDeleteIt is the silence in our "general consumption" publications and, probably more importantly, from the pulpits, my own included. It's not that we don't care, it's the challenge of walking a very fine line.