I have a funeral today and another on Monday. Five in two weeks is the most I have ever had to do in such a limited timespan in all of my ministry. Listen up people -- everybody keep breathing!
I thought about two of the situations where the individuals who died were about 90 years old. Both were well known to me and the arrangements were made by loving and supportive children. The situations are so similar that the remains of both will be buried in the same cemetery come Spring.
One daughter is an active church member, although not here, and "knows the drill." Still she was so exhausted in her grief that making decisions about the service were very difficult. She admitted that she was having difficulty focussing on hymns and scripture readings and other details. In the end we figured it out.
In the other situation the daughter is not a churchgoer and confessed that she wasn't really all that aware of protocol, at least as a planner. But her mother had written down what she wanted in her service, and gave it to the daughter, so when we met she handed me the piece of paper with the information.
These contrasts were another reminder of the importance of planning ahead. I notice that a lot of people have wills, name executors, and even pre-pay for their funerals. Yet they leave no instructions about the actual service. In the two cases I mention there was a lot of respect and desire to make the service meaningful. Unfortunately others take the "let's get er over" approach and leave everything to the clergy.
What are your thoughts? Have you written down instructions for your funeral? One of our daughters asked about us, and we had to admit we haven't yet. Why don't we? Do most of us feel too young to do this?
Please do it!
In this regard(and many others), I am my father's son. My parents are both in their 80's, and I know that at least my Dad wants absolutely no fuss over his service. He wants costs kept to a minimum. If it were up to him(and actually, I guess it is!), he'd have a few people get together at Tim Hortons for a coffee and be done with it. No costs for a coffin as well.
ReplyDeleteI feel exactly the same way. People are grieving, and when I pass, I don't want to burden them with a lot of other stuff. I want to be cremated, don't really care much about what they do with my ashes, and then people can have a gathering which will be a celebration of life, not a mourning of my death.
As for Wills, yes absolutely they should be done. The value of having a Will cannot be over-emphasized, regardless of the size of the estate. It simplifies matters, helps avoid family disputes, and of course prevents all of your property going to the provincial government. I don't know about you, but I feel I am already giving enough money to the Crown as it is!
I have not planned my funeral service although I have everything else drawn up according to the lawyers. Dad did not tell us his wishes for his funeral service although it was very sudden (on his 59th birthday). Mom, on the other hand, knew exactly what she wanted and during the last month of her life, she told me what she wanted and almost all her wishes were carried out (she did not want me to give the eulogy but the supply minister filling in refused so I did it.) You're right David, we do need to make our wishes known - sooner rather than later because none of us knows how the length of our life. So I will make that one of my non-New Year's Resolutions - to put my wishes down on paper and to give a copy to both of my siblings. On a lighter note, as my siblings and I attend more extended family and dear friends funerals, I have threatened to haunt my siblings if they dare to sing or play Amazing Grace at my funeral. :) I plan that my funeral service will be a celebration of my life and I want music played and sung that will make you want to dance and move and sing with gusto!
ReplyDeleteWhen my father died it was easier to plan his funeral because we had talked a lot about what he wanted at the service. His funeral music was the "Gay Gordon's". My Mom has her service planned out and I have some of mine. I feel it makes it easier on the people left to plan if there has been an open dialogue about death.
ReplyDeleteI've always been hyper-conscious of the fact that, as Dr. Soran put it in Star Trek: Generations, "time is a hunter that stalks us all." The focus is therefore on siezing each day, and ensuring my time is spent wisely.
ReplyDeleteI take good care of my mind, body and soul, but the ultimate send off is something I steadfastly avoid. Weird too, because I plan for everything: the classes I teach, our household budget and trips, my career path, etc.
I guess the final details are just something I'm not ready for.
I can finally access this again! David, hope you liked the Star Trek nod from one nerd to another ...
ReplyDelete