I heard former nun and prolific author Karen Armstrong interviewed about her new book called The Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life. She figures that while religions are very different, all have a version of the Golden Rule, doing unto others as we would have them do to us. I would certainly agree. She feels that our only hope as humanity is to develop a deep sense of compassion which goes far beyond "play well with others." She sees compassion as something which requires commitment and fortitude. Again I agree, and would add that this radical compassion is rooted in our relationship with God, not just our own resolve.
The twelfth step is Love Your Enemies, which comes from Jesus. Armstrong also sees this love as radical and challenging. Once more I agree. Jesus told us to love our neighbours, which could let us off the hook to a degree. Loving our enemies is so much more demanding. I don't want to, but Jesus tells me that it is part of the package of following him. Since I am dealing with some fairly hefty resentments lately I should listen up. Today. Tomorrow. The next day.
How are you doing in the "love your enemies" department these days? Do Armstrong's Twelve Steps intrigue you?
The twelfth step is Love Your Enemies, which comes from Jesus. Armstrong also sees this love as radical and challenging. Once more I agree. Jesus told us to love our neighbours, which could let us off the hook to a degree. Loving our enemies is so much more demanding. I don't want to, but Jesus tells me that it is part of the package of following him. Since I am dealing with some fairly hefty resentments lately I should listen up. Today. Tomorrow. The next day.
How are you doing in the "love your enemies" department these days? Do Armstrong's Twelve Steps intrigue you?
That is a TOUGHIE.
ReplyDeleteI tend to be the type that "sees red" during disagreements. Holding grudges is quite easy too, especially for those who may have intentionally caused me harm.
Chalk it up to something I need to work on. Starting tomorrow.
Or next week ...
Yeah, what Ian said..
ReplyDeleteAs Ian says , this is a TOUGHIE. Every time you pose this question regarding where we are in terms of forgiveness, my answer is the same. I have not been able to budge. I was hoping to hear back from Ian [and, of course, others]on this one, as well as you David. Do you think there is a difference between how men and woman view forgiveness?
ReplyDeleteOn the whole, I can forgive someone who has hurt me. I don’t find that particularly challenging. Usually time is all that’s needed. Where it becomes difficult is when forgiving someone abusive could potentially put me or someone else in danger. This is where gender difference comes in. I think women, children, and vulnerable persons have more at stake sometimes. Safety sometimes calls for a tough, no-nonsense-tolerated stance.
How do mothers and fathers deal with forgiving someone who has seriously harmed their child? As a mother I feel much like a bear. If someone harms my child, my instinct is to do everything I can to keep them away, and this does not allow for forgiveness, which would weaken my defense. Yet, not being able to forgive keeps what’s left of a family torn apart. I don’t want to get too personal and spill out the whole sorted affair, and make everyone cringe with an Oprah-like confession, but I should say that the child in question is an adult who is in a very vulnerable position. His family must be his advocates. There simply isn’t any choice in that. The person we can’t forgive doesn’t seem able to understand the harm he caused. He feels victimized and misunderstood, which makes forgiveness all the more risky. To resume a relationship would be dangerous, so how can forgiveness realistically take place. You can forgive someone who has harmed you or someone you love in the past, but how do you forgive ongoing abuse?
There are many ways of forgiveness. I think you can forgive someone for being the way they are, but at the same time not let them continue to abuse you. I don't think forgiveness means that you have to become best buddies with them or that you have to even let them be a part of your life.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness is also something we constantly work on. I believe it is a practice, like prayer. You may think you've got it down, and then you realize that you are right back to the beginning.
I don't know if it is different for men and women. I have read in many places that anger is different, so it would make sense that forgiveness would look different as well. I'm sure it's just as difficult for all of us, but yes, I agree that it can make the vulnerable even more so.
I can see Pupil's point. Protecting yourself and loved ones has to be 1st priority. If exposed to a constant threat you would be too defensive to forgive.
ReplyDeleteIan, and Johnny. Sometimes it's OK to agree to disagree. Different people can see the same thing differently. That's just the way it is.
For that case when someone intentionally causes harm. Perhaps I'm lucky because I can't think of a time when someone tried to physically harm me. Financially, or professionally maybe. That is glossed over as being healthy competition. I can forgive, but I don't forget.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
All in all I'm a pretty easygoing forgiving guy:)
I keep coming back to forgiveness because it is central to the Christian message and keeps surfacing even in this much more secular society.
ReplyDeleteI have said it before but it bears repeating that there is nothing natural about forgiveness. The secular approach is that forgiveness benefits the forgiver in terms of mental health and wellbeing, and I would agree. I see far too many people in the grip of anger that the perpetrator doesn't even know about.
In the end I have concluded that deep and authentic forgiveness is divinely inspired and requires a "power assist" that is beyond our own strength.
Thanks for your honesty.