I was surprised to read that in Britain the number of marriages registered annually has dropped by roughly 50% since the 1970's, from about half a million to just under 250,000. People don't feel the same need to get hitched for their relationship to be considered legit, on either side of the Pond. The exception to that trend is when couples have kids. The British study found that having children is often the impetus for cohabiting couples to get legally married.In some ways everything old is new again. You may not be aware that for centuries marriage was as simple as moving in together. If you cohabited or had children together you were as good as married in everyone's eyes. In Britain it was only after the introduction of the Hardwicke Marriage Act in 1753 that marriage became a legal concept and unmarried couples became stigmatized. Even then, religious marriages often happened on the church steps rather than within the sanctuary.
In one of the marriage ceremonies for the United Church there is this statement:
God established marriage that man and woman might have life-long companionship, that natural instincts and affections might be fulfilled in mutual love, that children might have the benefit of family life, and that society might rest on a firm foundation.
This is not what I use within services, and I wonder how many couples see marriage in this way today. Of course our society has already decided that marriage isn't necessarily between a man and a woman. I actually feel strongly about the covenantal nature of marriage, so that's why I just don't do many weddings anymore. It dosn't have anything to with gender. I don't want to be Marryin' Sam where I may be the only one in the gathering who figures that this is as much about God as the couple.
Thoughts?
I remember that passage in our wedding and do believe that is part of our covenant to maintain that firm foundation.
ReplyDeleteSeeing so much change in the world of relationships, and commitment in general, has me thinking,and wondering (and worrying a little.)
I don't do a lot of weddings either, partly because I live in such a small town, but also I think most people choose to get married by a marriage commissioner, which I think is fine if they do not want God included in their wedding. I have a difficult time marrying people who aren't getting married by a minister because they believe in God, but because they have always wanted a "church wedding."
ReplyDeleteIn September I will be marrying my sister and her fiance. She is agnostic and he is an athiest. I told my sister when she first asked me that the only reason I am able to marry them is because I am a minister in the church. I won't be forceful about it, but I need to be true to my calling. My message will mention the Holy in some way.
I think she is a little nervous about that, but she did understand. I hope she will find my message loving and affirming and words with which she can relate. I am looking forward to it.
I got married by a JP. No mention of "God" during our ceremony. My husband is an atheist. We did get "legally" married after living together for 6 years. His parents(They wanted a "legal" marriage) were over from England and it seemed like a time to do it. It was meaningful for us and our extended family. We had 110 people, outside wedding. So many weddings these days are done in a church by people who want a church wedding, but don't believe in anything. Maybe they think it will help them in the long run. I think if people vow pledges before their friends and family and work together through the years that is a marriage. Maybe a faith in a god might help but I don't think so.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your responses which provide a thoughtful range of outlooks on the subject. I am hoping that more options are made available to people so that as Laurie suggests there can be meaningful ceremonies for those who aren't really interested in the faith aspect.
ReplyDeleteIn several European countries all couples must have a civil ceremony, then can choose a religious wedding as well. It would mean that the words Laura recalls from her wedding would have meaning. And it would address the challenge outlined by Deb.