Over the weekend many GTA mosques promoted a White Ribbon campaign, speaking out against domestic violence. This initiative seems to be tied to the horrific situation of the alleged highly dishonourable "honour killings" by a father and mother and brother perpetrated against three daughters and a second wife.
I listened twice to an articulate young imam in Toronto who decries domestic violence for any reason. When asked about the Quran's mention of wife-beating for insubordination he pointed out that the bible has disturbing passages as well. He argued that religions can and should change to apply their broader principles as times change. I couldn't agree more.
Sunday morning I listened to an interview with two women working for Interval House, the first shelter for women and children in Canada. Although it was the first, it is less than forty years old. And when it opened one newspaper article described it as an effort by radical feminists to support "runaway wives." So our supposedly progressive society isn't exactly light years ahead of other cultural backgrounds.
Did you hear about the White Ribbon initiative? What are your thoughts?
My jaw dropped as I read your last paragraph."Runaway wives"?
ReplyDeleteI still can't fathom how staying in abusive relationships ever could have been deemed the right thing, by society, religions, families etc!
Laura, I agree that it's never the right thing, but even that short a time ago, women may have been deciding between accepting abuse or letting her children live with the consequences of poverty. I am thinking of someone close to me, who chose a roof, food, and clothing for her many children instead of subjecting them to the poverty that most definately would have been the result. To be honest I hated her for this decision But years later, as a mother myself, I began to see things in a less black and white light. I became less judgemental of her decisions. I believe I myself would have made a different decision. I bleive I would have taken the chidlren and fled, but that being said I can't condemn her. I simply may have, in her circumstances and in that era, done the same.It's easy to say that because we now have shelters that the decision to leave should be a no brainer, but let's face it, living in a shelter, then off to shabby apartments and the food bank is not what a mother longs for for her children. She may find the strength to leave initailly, but how willing is society to support her in the long term? We can object to the term runaway wives, that's a hard cross to bear for sure,but as long as there is financial inequality, there will be women who chose to stay. Hungry is a horrible fate. I've been hungry, so hungry that I contemplated eating from a garbage can to escape it. Reality is the thing. It comes before anything moral. For me, the plain truth, the tough thing for me to accept, is that even today in the self satifaction of our enlightenment, the truth is that women are simply valued less than men. Like you, I would want that woman to leave, have faith in herself, free her children from the cycle of abuse, but it just isn't as simple as we would like it to be. It isn't just the abusers, it's the quiet way we accept the unspoken values of our society. For example, then fact that men get diagnosed and treated for heart disease, woman die of it. The list is long, but not enough room here.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Laura - what a phrase.
ReplyDeleteGhastly.
Lori..thanks for your perspective. I never meant to be critical in anyway of individuals choices,or lack there of, in these situations. You are so right in emphasizing the trap that so many women, even today in Canada, face.
ReplyDeleteMy aghast on this topic was directed at the negative judgement by the newspaper, and likely much of society at that time, that these women were running away from marriage vows, rather than the obvious running to safety which we should all be entitled to without judgement.
Hi again, I feel that I did a terrible job expressing my thoughts up there so here goes another stab at it. In response to the phrase 'runaway wives' and the blame put on feminists, it's such a ridiculous statement not many would support it thank God. But one of the reasons we don't blame feminists anymore is that we don't really talk of feminists at all these days. But we do talk of “welfare moms” and we do talk about those women “abusing the system”. We have just put a different face on it.As far as shelters go, well thank God for those too, but if we don't face the problems leading to domestic abuse then we will need to keep building shelters, in the same way we will be building new prisons. In response to the white ribbon campaign, I am sure this is a good thing in that it at least in some small way addresses and challenges belief systems. Although we as Christians do not support honour killings, it does seem hypocritical not to mention the fact that women – Christians included- are murdered by their partners every day. The problem of course, for Muslims, is that there are those who use their religion as the justification, but is jealously or rage a better excuse. Ând for that matter would all Christians want to be lumped together with those Christians who believe jealousy and rage are good enough reasons to kill a woman. I don’t think we have come nearly as far as we like to think. I hope that expresses my thoughts better.
ReplyDeleteOh and Laura, I happened to read over what I wrote later on and worried that I sounded like I was disagreeing with you. I knew what you meant, but somehow ran off course there.
Thanks for this exchange of perspectives. I'm sure we are all aghast at the negativity forty years ago and agree that the obstacles and stigmas about leaving abusive relationships persist.
ReplyDeleteMy wife Ruth spoke to a church group this past Sunday, a group that invited her because of her work with Bethesda House. Nonetheless, one of the members -- a woman -- offered afterward that no one ever speaks of the abuse of men by women which is just as bad. There is not a scrap of evidence to support this but why let the facts get in the way of opinions!