All of these words whispered in my ear
Tell a story that I cannot bear to hear
Just 'cause I said it, it don't mean that I meant it
People say crazy things
Just 'cause I said it, don't mean that I meant it
Just 'cause you heard it.
These are lyrics from a song by the marvelous British singer Adele. She can make rumour and gossip sound great but most of us were brought up to believe that both are destructive, in part because scripture says so. We may have been the subject of rumour, innuendo, and gossip and know painful it can be. It is very much a part of cyberbullying, not to mention old-fashioned schoolyard bullying.
Now there is a study suggesting that gossip can be a good thing. It serves as a form of social control, the argument goes, and helps set boundaries. Hmm. Isn't that how people ended up being executed for witchcraft in another day?
Church gossip is the worst, it seems to me, because it often deceitfully maquerades as "concern." The truth is that some people just want to know everything about everybody, and a few aren't beyond just making it up. I have seen ministers be crushed by cruel innuendo and congregants who leave because of gossip, either because it was aimed against them or because they didn't want to bre part of a community where people could be so cruel. The apostle Paul knew the destructive power of rumours and gossip and told congregations to knock it off.
These are lyrics from a song by the marvelous British singer Adele. She can make rumour and gossip sound great but most of us were brought up to believe that both are destructive, in part because scripture says so. We may have been the subject of rumour, innuendo, and gossip and know painful it can be. It is very much a part of cyberbullying, not to mention old-fashioned schoolyard bullying.
Now there is a study suggesting that gossip can be a good thing. It serves as a form of social control, the argument goes, and helps set boundaries. Hmm. Isn't that how people ended up being executed for witchcraft in another day?
Church gossip is the worst, it seems to me, because it often deceitfully maquerades as "concern." The truth is that some people just want to know everything about everybody, and a few aren't beyond just making it up. I have seen ministers be crushed by cruel innuendo and congregants who leave because of gossip, either because it was aimed against them or because they didn't want to bre part of a community where people could be so cruel. The apostle Paul knew the destructive power of rumours and gossip and told congregations to knock it off.
For I fear that when I come, I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find
me not as you wish; I fear that there may perhaps be quarrelling, jealousy,
anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.
There is nothing wrong with being concerned with the well being of others and congregations can be wonderful places to support one another. But we can all ask why we want to know, and how much we really need to know and why we get a buzz from being "in the know."
What are your experiences with gossip? Have you ever felt badly about engaging in it? I have. Are churches breeding grounds for gossip? Can gossip be good?
I have been at the centre of gossip a few times the last decade, and I can categorically say those times were some of the most irritating times of my life. Hearing things that people seem to think they "know" about your life just about drove me nuts.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, going through times like that went a long way toward giving me a tougher skin. As I've grown older and more comfortable with myself, it's now easier for me to disregard the things that people may think they know or have to say about me.
For many people, gossip and other people's business is quite literally the only thing they have to amuse themselves with. Ultimately, you've got to feel sorry for people like that who don't have more to think about.
Am I right?
I really have to echo Ian's sentiments. Some people have far too much time on their hands - and not much of a life - that gossip becomes something they constantly seek and thrive on. I find that to be sad.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is important to care about the welfare of others, but I am referring to the destructive and negative gossip that we all know too well. I try to avoid it...or change the subject to let the gossiper know that I am not interested.
Someone once imparted a bit of wisdom on me that I use as filter so often and echo to my own kids...if it's not my story to tell I shouldn't be telling it, especially if it has a negative vein, like Roger said.
ReplyDeleteI do stuggle with that balance, as you say, of having genuine concern for others and wanting to know enough that I could help in some small way if I could but sometimes it can feel borderline to gossip for sure.
I had the misfortune of being the subject of very negative gossip some 11 years ago now. I handled it by confronting the gossipers head on. It cost a couple of friends, but they were completely wrong.
ReplyDeleteWhere people get their ideas is a mystery to me.
I don't think there is "good gossip". If it was good then it wouldn't be gossip.
Bad news always travels faster than good news.
Thanks for all these responses. All of them fill out th discussion.
ReplyDelete