A few weeks ago one of our octogenarians was in a fender bender. St. Paul's staffer Laura came upon the scene and kindly supported her until everything was cleared up. While the woman was not injured I popped over to her home just to check in that she was okay. We chatted and in her feisty fashion she mentioned that she figured I would preside at her funeral, but since I would be gone in a couple of months she had changed her plans!
I laughed of course, but this is no laughing matter for many when the minister announces that he or she is leaving. It may sound a bit strange because --hey-- the person will be dead, although who knows what they may be aware of as part of the cloud of witnesses mentioned in scripture. A number of our members have expressed similar sentiments since I announced my departure, including a man whose memorial service I will conduct later this week.
Rick was a remarkably decent man who was death-defying when cancer struck him two and a half years ago. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more for him because he was an active and youthful 58 at the time. Still, he wasted away to nothing, and I have to admit that I was astonished that he fought his way back to health, although he was not cured. Rick and Barb made the best of those two years and three weeks ago he visited his oncologist where they laughed together about his remarkable stability. The next day he was in distress and we watched him decline with breath-taking speed.
He told me that he wasn't afraid of dying but he didn't want to go through prolonged suffering. Then he asked me the tough question. Would I come back to do his funeral if he died after I left? I was honest and told him that the expectation of clergy is that when we move on we move on. We take on a new role with a new family of faith and there are many reasons we shouldn't return in official roles, even for those with whom we have built strong relationships because of a shared journey through "the valley of the shadow of death." He listened with characteristic calm, but I sure didn't feel great about the conversation.
Yesterday at 6:30 AM I got the call that he was gone. The day before I went in to see him and read the Easter story from John's gospel, knowing he was not going to make it until then. We will mourn his loss and give thanks for his life later this week and affirm our resurrection hope. His wish has been fulfilled and I wish it wasn't. But that is the way of life and death and eternal life. Our prayers are with his wonderfully supportive family.
Any thoughts about this? Do you understand why clergy must say farewell firmly?
First of all, let's all agree once more that cancer is a scourge. Another fine person gone before his time. What a shame. Rest in peace, Rick.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I don't envy your position on this one, David. To say that I would be torn is an understatement. In many ways, the "expectation" you mention makes sense; on the other hand, in this instance it seems somewhat cruel, or heartless.
Faced with a similar set of circumstances, I would have to weigh the "expectation" against what I felt was right for a long time before coming to a decision.
What a tough spot for you all.
It is a tough spot to be in, but I believe you said the right thing.
ReplyDeleteHonesty is always the best policy.
God bless Hicker Rick.
My head tells me you have to set a date and "make a break" or otherwise the trail of funerals, weddings and baptisms in the offing either become discretionary choices (a rock and a hard place) or you end up with 2 jobs....your new church and on call for your old church....My heart tells me it still must be hard for you....
ReplyDeleteMy frustration in thinking about this issue comes in the slow and lengthy requirements UC congregations must go through to hire a successor. Yes it needs to be a thoughtful process but the current process at best leaves a congregation without a leader for the better part of a year....for families in crisis especially that seems far too long...
My heart goes out to Rick's family.