Dark Secrets

This is a photograph of a very glamorous and famous woman, Nigella Lawson. Lawson has become internationally known as a writer of cook books and as a chef celebrity. Her beauty enhances her cause, but in this photo she looks frightened because her husband's hand is around her neck. Her celeb husband Charles Saatchi grabbed her several times during a public argument, all of which he later attempted to dismiss as a "playful tiff." Police didn't see it that way, cautioning Saatchi, and it is rumoured that Lawson has left the family home with her children.

This ugly incident serves as a reminder that domestic violence is not just something that happens to low income folk, the unfairly named "trailer trash." Wealthy people and middle class people and poor people can become embroiled in violent cycles which are hard to end. Shortly before we moved a sweet woman, a member of the congregation, admitted that her former husband was a brutal man, but when she went to work with obvious signs of trauma she lied and insisted that she had fallen or made some other excuse. She didn't want to admit that she was abused, even though her co-workers weren't fooled. It took her a long time to leave, in part because of the shame. I have been part of far too many similar conversations with women in congregations through the years.

While Ruth, my wife, no longer counsels for a women's shelter she is well aware that the perpetrator downplaying violence, or insisting that the partner did not feel threatened is commonplace. Shame often keeps the victim from leaving.

This can be a reminder, once again, that domestic violence is an ongoing societal issue, even for the well-to-do, even for people in faith communities. We need to be vigilant and open about what was once a dark secret.

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