Remarriage Blueprint?

This summer I had my version of a "busman's holiday" presiding at two family weddings. Both were happy events held outside with cooperative weather on back-to-back weekends. Both were remarriages and as I wrote at the time, I actually conducted the first wedding of the one family member as well, while my wife Ruth was the matron of honour at both weddings of the other.

Of course these weddings were different. They were scaled down, with a smaller guest list. I found ways to make diplomatic reference to what had passed on the way to a promising future. And the young adult children of two of the four people being married were present at the ceremonies, along with the two teens of one of the brides. I know that some guests were struggling with memories of the former families. I am aware that to begin with one of the adult children wasn't sure whether he wanted to participate, even by being present.

Maybe all these complications explain why The Christian Century magazine included an article on remarriage recently, focusing on the decline of remarriage as an option for many people. The social stigma of "living in sin" has largely disappeared, so many couples are choosing to cohabitate without marrying a second time (or third or fourth.) The article mention Maggie Scarf and her new book The Remarriage Blueprint based on interviews with 80 remarried individuals. She found that while the first time around couples get to establish their own culture, the way they will be together and do things. The second marriage often involves at least one partner who has been living alone with his or her children and developed a culture. The newcomer or newcomers don't always know how to navigate this reality. One interviewee offers that they realized they were also dating the children during the courtship and accepted this. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-remarriage-blueprint

I think churches are rather clueless about all this. Even in "accepting" denominations such as the United Church we are more benignly neglectful than proactive about supporting divorced couples and those entering into new marriages. It can be an important aspect of pastoral care for which clergy are generally ill-equipped.

What are your thoughts, and experiences? Can there be a blueprint for remarriage or is it always a minefield? Should congregations shut up and keep their heads down, or do we need to be actively supporting those who are finding their way into new committed relationships?