Well, I have been experiencing some posting problems, and this is my third attempt today. Yesterday was the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women which is a real mouthful. There is a day for everything now and it is a challenge to keep up. Perhaps having every day as an assigned day diminishes the impact.
At any rate, I missed it, and so did my wife Ruth. It was unusual for both of us because of Ruth's work for the better part of a decade. She was first of all a Child and Youth Worker in a shelter called Bethesda House, then a crisis counselor in their outreach centre. She met with women who were often at the lowest point in their lives, supported them at court and in their transitions, helped them develop exit strategies. I am glad that she no longer does this work, even though she did it so well. She heard far too many stories of brutality, both physically and psychologically. I was often outraged and ashamed to discover what men were willing to inflict on their partners. I could not comprehend how fathers could keep their children in almost constant terror. What a perverted sense of manhood.
I became aware of how many of these women were part of faith communities and that some were actually encouraged to put up with the abuse because of the "sanctity" of marriage. While their faith sustained many of the women, it could also trap them. And of course there is the shame.
Shortly before I left Bowmanville one of our senior women admitted that she had lived with an abusive husband. Her friends and co-workers knew her bruises were not the result of accidents. But who wants to admit that they are being beaten? Eventually she left, and only then realized what she should have done years before.
Any comments about this, a day late? I suppose it's never too late to remind ourselves of this reality.
Women need to be educated from an early age about why they have historically accepted abuse and gone back to it - and why they should never accept it - and men need to be educated as to the reasons why this is totally unacceptable - I think we have made a good start in North America - better in Canada than in the US - but we have a long way to go....unfortunately, , as you have said, David - religion is to blame for the prevailing attitude... it has been skewed to pit men against women... not healthy for either gender!
ReplyDeleteNo one deserves to be mistreated, PERIOD. I know some victims feel they need to stay in the marriage because they feel they would not manage financially on their own(possibly because they have stayed at home raising their kids), but the cost they are paying to sacrifice their health and happiness is much greater.
ReplyDeleteOur world society still sees violence as a way of preserving our families, communities, cultures and lifestyles. So it filters down to the individual who feels the responsibility to provide protection and continuation. Then, add all the mixes of drug, alcohol and cultural structures, that justify these actions, we have a recipe that almost condones these actions, or at best allows them to be hidden from society..
ReplyDeleteThank you for these strong and thoughtful comments. I agree with them all. I'm glad that not all religion perpetuates abuse. Ruth always felt that when religion came into the conversation she could uphold a different perspective based on Christ's inclusion and the way he valued and recognized women.
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