Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do , I saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
This is the time when many people make resolutions for the New Year, with everything from modest goals to wild ambitions on the table. what about the "looking back" aspect, the self-assessment of choices? Is it healthy for us to have our regrets over the "spilt milk" of the pathways we have chosen.
I heard Sook Yin Lee of CBC radio's DNTO interview some school kids, nine and ten-year-olds, who were asked about their regrets. I was surprised that they were quite aware of what regret is, and spoke rather articulately about the things they had done that they wish they could take back. At this early stage of life they understand right and wrong, the consequences of actions --they have a moral conscience. Obviously these weren't major trespasses, but they understood what they had done and regretted it.
What is the healthiest way of addressing our regrets? If we wallow in remorse and self-loathing we become emotionally stunted. If we take the Rob Ford approach of "sincerely, sincerely, sincerely" apologizing without seeming to accept responsibility for actions then it all seems hollow.
Our Christian faith invites us to acknowledge those times when we having fallen short of the mark, breaking trust and relationships with others and with God. In Christ we can be forgiven, reconciled, start again. It sounds rather glib in a couple of lines, but it is both complex and profound.
I have my own persistent regrets in life, and I regularly speak with people who struggle with the pain of the past. Doing it "my way" has just not worked for them.
What are your thoughts about regret? Do you know people who are caught in the cycle of perpetual regret? Do you know those who don't take responsibility for their actions? Do you trust that you are loved and forgiven in Christ?
Yes, yes, and yes, to those questions
ReplyDeleteRegrets, if we can learn something from them and do something about it, can be positive.
ReplyDeleteChanging from "doing it my way" to "doing it our way"; from strictly individual to community is another positive step. We need to acknowledge (and perhaps discharge) our collective responsibilities while asserting our individual rights and entitlements. Lots of interesting thoughts to contemplate during this recurring season of resolutions.
Thanks to you both. I agree Frank, in every aspect of your response.
ReplyDeleteI chime in late, but thought of a close friend as I read this post who is caught in perpetual regret since a parent's death. I feel saddened by what it steals from the present for her and sense such irony in that she was so attentive to her folks,but can't see that, and yet others have been far less attentive in similar situations and yet pretend not to notice, or even choose to re-write their history of attention into heroic efforts.
ReplyDeletei do recall reading once that the best we can hope for is not to die without regrets but to die with the right regrets....and at times i turn to that when making choices.
I'm very glad you added to this Laura. "Steal from the present" is such a helpful phrase.
ReplyDelete