First of all it was NFL star Ray Rice who was suspended for domestic violence. Then it was another pro ball player, star Adrian Peterson, who was kicked off his team for using a switch to punish a child. The latter situation sparked a debate about corporal punishment for children. Some African Americans offered that a majority of black dads in the States might be fired if it were known that they smacked their kids as discipline. There are lots of conservative Christians who feel that physical punishment is supported by scripture. No matter that a couple of verses from Proverbs are slim pickins'. It is an enduring mandate for punishment, from God no less.
This situation got me thinking about my childhood. My father, a minister, seemed to get great satisfaction out of physically punishing his two sons. He had a sawed-off yardstick which was the usual form of punishment, and it actually accompanied us on vacation. Fun times! When the stick was not readily available an open hand or fist would do, and we received many slaps and punches over the years, often without warning, and for misdemeanors that weren't always immediately evident to us. My mother hated to see us knocked around and did everything she could to protect us. We were both sneaky and fearful as a result. This didn't stop until my younger brother, a teen at the time, informed our dad that if he ever punched him again he would clean his clock. That brought the physical punishment to an end.
For years into adulthood we joked together about this reign of terror, then we realized how abusive it had been. I have always been reluctant to tell others --hey, this was my parent. Even now with my father long dead I don't like admitting that he did this. But I know now how wrong it was. The euphemism "spanking" doesn't begin to sanitize what this really was. I must add that it was common for children to be spanked in my era, but that didn't make it right.
As we raised our three children we quickly concluded that spanking was an expression of parental frustration, not an appropriate form of discipline. It is not right and it is not Godly to beat on our kids. God is a loving parent, and loving parents don't abuse. Yes, children can drive us to distraction at times. And yes, we may express frustration and anger inappropriately. But there is no justification for physical violence against the vulnerable, including children. I would like to think we did better as parents, and I'm confident our kids will do better than we did. I already see that with our grandson.
Thoughts?
I think if we are physically punishing our kids for a perceived wrong, it teaches our kids that rather than try to deal with a problem rationally, they should use physical force.
ReplyDeleteI remember getting the wooden spoon treatment for numerous reasons, including not coming in for dinner from street hockey immediately when called for dinner. I've asked my wife to stop doing that to me. But seriously, my mom was the wooden spoon keeper, and these are the things I remember 35 years later.
Even though the Criminal Code allows for physical discipline of a child by a teacher or parent for "corrective" action, the grey area is that it must be reasonable given the circumstances.
I just feel there are too many better ways of disciplining a child than slapping...or worse.
I agree with Roger - the big thrust, when I was growing up, and when I was raising my son, was to teach respect for "authority" - and only much later did we realize that explaining why a behaviour needed to stop was important...and, let's face it, physical punishment as a deterrent was a lot easier than real discipline, which always includes reasoning it out (which, admittedly, is not always possible with a 3 or 4 year old) I do remember being "switched" as a ten year old, when an explanation would have worked much better - it only led me to feel strong resentment and rebellion.
ReplyDeleteOur dad loved to use the handle of a knife on our knuckles and it really hurt when he did it on top of the arborite kitchen table. I only had this happen once but my four brothers didn't fare as well, the middle two were often disciplined this way. It made them sneaky as well and if there was drinking involved it often escalated to whatever he could find to smack our bottoms with. It was the norm in the day and I think even more in the Maritimes where we were raised. Our daughters were never spanked and our grandchildren are not spanked, it seems barbaric to think back just two generations to how spoons and sticks were used to put fear into children.
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