Social Media, Perfectionism, and the Good Life

Just as I am, without  one plea,
 but that thy blood was shed for me,
 and that thou bidd'st me come to thee,
 O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Our older daughter, in her thirties, let us know the other day that she was taking a break from one social media platform. She didn't say why, but I know that there is a ton of pressure for young moms to present the perfect image of parenthood and the "holy child," or children. What should be an open and often joyful celebration of the development of young lives becomes oppressive "one-up-personship."


We've heard a lot over the past few years about the toxic possibilities of social media, including bullying and shaming. There has been more discussion lately about the ways in which it contributes to a climate of perfectionism, particularly for younger people. Hearing about the wonderful achievements of others, or the glories of young family life creates pressure and may lead to a feeling of failure.

A BBC piece from last year offered:

Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill’s recent meta-analysis of rates of perfectionism from 1989 to 2016, the first study to compare perfectionism across generations, found significant increases among more recent undergraduates in the US, UK and Canada. In other words, the average college student last year was much more likely to have perfectionistic tendencies than a student in the 1990s or early 2000s.“As many as two in five kids and adolescents are perfectionists,” says Katie Rasmussen, who researches child development and perfectionism at West Virginia University. “We’re starting to talk about how it’s heading toward an epidemic and public health issue.”

A generation ago it was the "Christmas Brag Letter" in which the writer crowed about the successes of his/her children with such enthusiasm the recipients felt as though they were receiving a lump of coal through the mail, aware of the mixed bag of their own family lives. Along the way we discovered that we were only getting the "best of" the lives of others. If anything social media makes this more immediate and intense. We know of a young couple who have an Instagram presence which makes them appear as wildly in love and living the dream of the active outdoor life. While there are lots of positives in their lives, they are also deeply in debt, have few friends, and rather rocky family relationships. In other words, they are real people.


We can hardly blame social media for the all the ills of perfectionism, but why not take a sabbath from time to time? More importantly, we can all pause to ask whether life is striving toward perfectionism, or at least presenting ourselves as ideal, or whether we accept that being authentically human includes acknowledging our weakness and --dare I say it?-- our failures.

For those of us who are Christians our faith includes a recognition of our imperfect, sinful selves, the possibility of forgiveness, and acceptance through the redeeming love of God.

Thoughts?

 Just as I am, thy love unknown
 has broken every barrier down;
 now to be thine, yea, thine alone,
 O Lamb of God, I come, I come.


Why do children have to be the adults in the room when it comes to climate change. Today's Groundling blog

https://groundlingearthyheavenly.blogspot.com/2019/02/the-adults-in-room-on-climate-change.html