Chynna Deese and Lucas Fowler
We'll probably never know why two young BC men went on a killing rampage which left a young couple in their 20's and a college teacher in his 60's dead. They took their own lives after a manhunt which stretched over a week in four provinces.
The family of Chynna Deese, the murdered woman, remember her as loving and compassionate in life, and have offered forgiveness to the suspects and their families.They also feel that the father of one of the alleged murderers who has spoken publicly needs to be more honest about what has transpired and to perhaps offer an apology.
Is this actually forgiveness when there are conditions?. Should forgiveness be unconditional? There are some notions of forgiveness which suggest that the purest form is unilateral, without expectations of repentance or reciprocation. Yet that really isn't the biblical model, even though God's love may be seen as unconditional. Meaningful forgiveness is usually bilateral (from both directions) and involves repentance (saying sorry) and a commitment not to repeat the harm or offence.
I'll be leading a study group on forgiveness at Trenton UC in October and I've begun my preparation. I'm using material from past studies, which I've always appreciated, but I'm reading two excellent books called The Limits of Forgiveness and Anger and Forgiveness. Both dispel some of the false premises about forgiveness which run the danger of re-victimizing victims.
Whether we can forgive and what forgiveness looks like are among the most important aspects of Christian faith and the discussion needs to happen again and again. We were out for dinner with two couples recently, all Christians, and it was fascinating to hear their outlook on the challenges of forgiveness.
Hey, you're welcome to join us in October!
I think I'm definitely in the "reciprocation" camp. I picture myself in the courtroom making eye contact with someone who killed a member of my family. If he smirked or expressed no remorse whatsoever, I would want to punch his lights out. It would probably take a couple of guards to stop me from punching. On the flip side, if there was sincere and genuine remorse(which for some people could be difficult to tell), I may not feel that way.
ReplyDeleteI realize forgiveness is important for ourselves, and for moving forward, and it's not as much about the other person....but man, I just don't know how I could control my rage in the first scenario.
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