Women's Day & Freedom from Abuse

 

On this International Women's Day I pay tribute to Ruth, my wife of 45 years, who is one of the strongest people I know, yet with a presence which almost immediately allows people to feel safe and heard. This combination of strength and calm served her well during the decade she worked in a shelter for women and children leaving abusive relationships.

As an outreach worker she was involved in helping women leave thoserelationships safely, situations where women had been demeaned, physically attacked, and isolated from others. It's difficult for most of us to comprehend the courage and resolve it takes for these women to leave. Often the departure plan involves what is essentially escape, with the help of police.

One of the hardest things for Ruth was watching women who had celebrated freedom from oppressive relationships eventually return to them. There are many reasons for this: poverty for themselves and their children, societal stigma, family pressure to return (sadly), and the profound insecurity which is the result of psychological abuse. The prospect of going to court with an abuser was also overwhelming.

You may have heard last week that the Divorce Act in Canada is undergoing changes which take into account the broader implications of domestic violence. The Act defines family violence as any conduct that is threatening, forms a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour, or causes a family member to fear for their safety or the safety of another individual. 

The new definition not only includes acts of violence, but also the child’s exposure to such acts, and specifies that a person’s behaviour does not need to rise to the level of a criminal offence in order to be considered family violence.

As important as these changes are, it is essential that women and children have the support to leave in the first place. In the past communities of faith were often an impediment rather than a help, with clerics encouraging women to stay and make it work because of the supposed sanctity of marriage. Even some church women's groups declined Ruth's offer to speak to them because they were sure that domestic violence didn't happen in their congregations. This enabled abuse rather than addressing it. 

Today we can keep in mind all those brave and frightened women who are in the midst of decision-making and departure. We can pray for their safety and make sure our congregations are places of sanctuary and support.