Speaking Ill of the Dead?

For there is no distinction, since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God; they are now justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus...

Romans 3 NRSVue

 Did you hear about the recent scathing obituary written by an Ontario woman? According to Amanda Denis, she grew up under the tyranny of an abusive father, and the obit begins with "I am pleased to announce" and goes on to describe him as a "narcissistic absentee father/husband/ brother/son." Ouch.

What do we owe the dead, I wonder? There are certain conventions for leave-taking but we're certainly seeing how many of these societal norms are being discarded.

 Denis is not the first to "speak ill of the dead" and media outlets dine out on these rare trashings of the not-so-dearly departed. Apparently the funeral home refused to publish this obituary so she took to social media where lots of people chimed in with support for her honesty. But is it honesty or a sad attempt at revenge? After all, he's dead and she's living with the notoriety 

When these stories are reported it tends to give me pause for reflection. Through the years I presided at hundreds of funeral and memorial services. The majority of the deceased were recipients of posthumous love and respect, deservedly so. Yet, honestly, there were also times it felt as though we were desparately attempting to put "lipstick on a pig", as the expression goes. 

 I could also tell you some eyebrow-raising stories of services where hundreds gathered to give tribute to persons with sketchy secret lives. I remember vividly making eye contact with a widow as her late husband was being praised when we both knew so much of what was being said by others was based on a facade of unwitting deception. 

And even when we gathered to honour a person for a life lived well I wondered whether we were stating that our lives are based on merit rather than grace, which is not the gospel message.

What's the answer here? Who knows! As a regular sinner I'm hoping for selective amnesia on the part of loved ones when my time comes, along with a heapin' helpin' of grace.