Matthew Perry, Just As I Am

1 Just as I am, without  one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me,

and that thou bidd'st me come to thee, O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

2 Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind; sight, riches, healing of the mind,

yea, all I need, in thee to find,O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

                                 Voices United 508

The actor Matthew Perry died by drowning recently age 54, which shocked and saddened millions of long-time fans.When his autobiography, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir was released a year ago he was immediately on the interview circuit everywhere. In large part it was because of his role as Chandler on the hugely popular series Friends. 

Perry was born in the States but grew up in Ottawa where his mother worked for Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau. He was in grade school with Justin Trudeau, now Canada's PM. Perry fessed up that in Grade 5 he and a classmate beat up Justin. Matthew claimed he didn't want to participate but quipped that it may have been motivation for Justin to overcome adversity on the road to heading up government. Trudeau, known for his boxing prowess, suggested that it might be time for a rematch. Perry may have been an adopted Canadian but his sardonic wit, edgy without being mean, did fit. 

In the book and in interviews Perry was also brutally honest about his addiction issues which were apparent during his time on Friends but never stopped him from performing. I remember commenting to Ruth during one episode that he looked like hell and it turns out he was going through a drug and alcohol induced personal hell. 

Matthew contends that he got to a point where he had about a 2% chance of survival and had a profound, vivid experience of God. As he describes it (excerpted): 

 "'God, please help me,' I whispered. 'Show me that you are here. God, please help me. As I kneeled, the light slowly began to get bigger, and bigger until it was so big that it encompassed the entire room…What was happening? And why was I starting to feel better?" 

"I started to cry … I mean, I really started to cry – that shoulder-shaking kind of uncontrollable weeping. I wasn't crying because I was sad. I was crying because, for the first time in my life, I felt OK. I felt safe, taken care of. Decades of struggling with God, and wrestling with life, and sadness, all was being washed away, like a river of pain gone into oblivion." 

"I had been in the presence of God. I was certain of it. And this time I had prayed for the right thing: help." "God had shown me a sliver of what life could be. He had saved me that day, and for all days, no matter what. He had turned me into a seeker, not only of sobriety, and truth but also of him." 

While this is remarkably open and honest it resonates with conversations I had through the years with members of congregations who were addressing addiction, people from 12 Steps groups who came in off the street to talk to a pastor, or inmates when I did an internship at Kingston Penitentiary.

 My months as a chaplain at KP opened me to the reality that it is often in the depths of despair that God becomes visible, whether the person is acclaimed or considered society's dross.

 Through the years I've thought about the ways in which we have required people to wear the masks of respectability in ways which don't seem to be reflective of the gospel of love and acceptance. And how readily we reject the seemingly unlovely when Jesus saw and heard and healed those very people. 

Perry's experience and that of many others brings to mind the hymn Just As I Am. It's a bit of a chesnut, yet it was in the old blue Hymnary of the United Church, the red Hymn Book, and even survived the cuts to make it into Voices United. I'm glad it did, and that the VU version of this nearly 200 year-old hymn hasn't been significantly altered. 

I think Matthew Perry would appreciate the hymn's message, although he may have had a wry observation or two as well. 

3 Just as I am, though tossed about with many a conflict, many a doubt,

fightings and fears within, without, O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

4 Just as I am, thy love unknown has broken every barrier down;

now to be thine, yea, thine alone, O Lamb of God, I come, I come.