Can There Be a Good Funeral?

 

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 

a time to be born, and a time to die; 

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; 

a time to break down, and a time to build up; 

a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance...

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-4 NRSVue

This evening will be our third and final session on grief at Trenton United Church. The series title is Finding Our Way in Grief and the first two conversations were about how we navigate the messiness of grief individually and collectively. We realize that grief impacts us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Loss isn't experienced in a linear fashion, despite the once popular notion that there are stages, leading to the peaceful conclusion of acceptance. Rather, grief is more akin to snakes and ladders, forward and backward, in ways that are often bewildering. Our senses of loss can last a lifetime. 

We've invited two local funeral directors to participate in a question and answer session (I've already provided the questions) to consider the changing realities of grief rituals, including funeral, memorials, and other forms of leave-taking. Funeral directors are not particularly respected or liked in our society but I've worked with quite a few through the decades and most have been decent people who fulfil an important role. Some have been members of my congregations or others, and some consider their work a calling. 

In preparation I've gone back to a wise and thoughtful book called The Good Funeral: Death, Grief, and the Community of Care. The authors, Thomas Long and Thomas Lynch, are a seminary professor and a third-generation funeral director. While a lot has changed in the decade since the book was published -- Medical Assistance in Dying , the pandemic, DIY funerals -- I appreciate so much of what they have to say. 

Last week there were 18 of us, a reminder that grief is real and needs to be explored openly and honestly. It will be interesting to see who shows up today. Maybe say a prayer for our discussion?