Death and the Birthday Party

 

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died.

1 Thessalonians 4: 13-14 NRSVue

 Yesterday we participated in the fourth birthday party for a member of our family who is near and dear to our hearts. During the gift opening he declared "this is the best birthday ever!" Given that he probably can't recall his first or second birthday shindigs his experience is limited but his happy exclamation was delightful. He knew the drill about singing Happy Birthday before blowing out the candles but he couldn't hold himself back. 

Surrounded by family from four generations with a passle of cousins on hand he had a blast under the shade of a large tree on a perfect day. Then bedtime came and he did some pondering, He realized that with each birthday he would be older until he grew old and then he would die. Despite parental assurances that he still had a long runway he eventually entered slumber having cried himself to sleep.

This is an early realization of mortality although during my years in congregational ministry parents would approach me, disconcerted that their child as young as five or six seemed fixated on the prospect of death. I had a couple of good books for parents to read with kids and encouraged prayer, although not the "and if I die before I wake" one. 

Hearing about this exchange took me back to our recent Finding Our Way In Grief sessions, including The End Comes for us All. It does, even though the human condition is such that we tend to keep this prospect at both a healthy and unhealthy distance. In our first session I quoted a psychologist who offered that “grief is the non-optional course in the curriculum of life” Whether we are four or 84 the grim reality of death can rise up to give us a nasty nip. Eventually we are all "griefsters" as Cariad Lloyd describes us. 

Durng our three weeks addressing grief there were tears, and poignant moments. I hope no one cried him or herself to sleep but folk admitted our conversations resurfaced memories and loss. I also drew upon a book with the title Talking About Death Won't Kill You and we need to remember that it's important to be honest about death because it's inescapable. During funerals and memorials I often reminded those present that the apostle Paul didn't suggest we wouldn't grieve because we are resurrection people. He did offer that our grief can be tempered and even transformed through our Christian hope. 

We've heard this morning that the existential crisis seems to have passed for the birthday boy. There will no doubt be more conversations along the way. Do you need to speak with others about your own mortality, your fears and hopes as well as the practical realities? To do so is an act of love, as challenging as it can be.