The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Proverbs 18:8 KJV
Let no evil talk come out of your mouths but only what is good for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice.
Ephesians 4: 29-31 NRSVue
We have a neighbour who is a friendly, caring person who is the go-to on info about everybody in our court. We are often in the dark about developments amongst the other households and sometimes worry that something has happened, such as a family death or illness, and we've been unintentionally callous because we are clueless. Somehow she seems to be well informed and so we'll wave, saunter over, and get the skinny.
In recent months she has reconnected with her Christian faith and with another neighbour has gone on a tour of churches around the city. She has a binder to organize her questions and priorities and on a couple of occasions she's asked me what I think about everything from God's acceptance of LGBTQ2S persons to women in leadership to...gossip. She figures the bible is clearly agin gossip (true) and I figure she's wondering if she is guilty as charged. I admire her for doing this soul-searching and while I don't find her malicious I don't know her heart either.
As it turns out, I was waiting on a library book with the great title You Didn't Hear This From Me: (mostly) true notes on gossip by Kelsey McKinney. She has a podcast on the subject called normal gossip that I haven't checked out yet. The book is entertaining and thoughtful and, lo and behold, there is a chapter on gossip from her perspective as someone who was raised in what seems to be an evangelical church. She basically loved gossip when she was young and struggled with it as an earnest Christian. She admits that theoretically she wanted to quit but when a juicy story came along she not only wanted to hear it, she wanted to shape it and mold it for retelling. She wrote the verse from Ephesians 4:29 on her bedroom mirror in dry erase marker as a reminder and approach but it didn't work.
She notes that there are only eight verses in the bible about gossip and thousands on caring for the poor. Iin the King James Version of the bible the word gossip isn't used at all because at that time it didn't have the connotation that slander did. Actually, we have allowed "gossip" to become cozy enough that it has lost its schmeck and we might do well to return to using slander or talebearer. McKinney points out, rightly, that while gossip/slander/talebearing is condemned it isn't really defined. Is it any conversation about someone else when that person isn't present or does there have to be a certain threshold of nastiness?
Churches are gossipy places and while sometimes its just "did you hear about" it is often downright venomous. Sometimes questions about others are genuine concern but clergy are regularly pulling on the "full armour of God" to fend off gossip, much to the chagrin of certain parishioners. I can picture some of them right now. I figured there were always a few people on church boards who were there to find out about what was going on than to actually contribute to "building up the body of Christ." And there is an expression "churches kill their wounded".
McKinney also insightfully points out that admonitions against gossip in churches can be employed by leadership to control narratives about leadership abuse. also true.
She notes that in Islam the word "backbiting" is used, meaning "talking about your brother in a manner which he does not like." I assume this applies to sisters as well.
The sin of gossip is one we might all consider with a degree of honesty and introspection, like our neigbour. I couid claim I never gossip but then I'd also be guilty of the sin of lying. Now, I hear, said the gossipy blog writer...
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