All of these words whispered in my ear
Tell a story that I cannot bear to hear
Just 'cause I said it, it don't mean that I meant it
People say crazy things
Just 'cause I said it, don't mean that I meant it
Just 'cause you heard it.
These are lyrics from a song by the marvelous British singer Adele. She can make rumour and gossip sound great but most of us were brought up to believe that both are destructive, in part because scripture says so. We may have been the subject of rumour, innuendo, and gossip and know painful it can be. It is very much a part of cyberbullying, not to mention old-fashioned schoolyard bullying.
Now there is a study suggesting that gossip can be a good thing. It serves as a form of social control, the argument goes, and helps set boundaries. Hmm. Isn't that how people ended up being executed for witchcraft in another day?
Church gossip is the worst, it seems to me, because it often deceitfully maquerades as "concern." The truth is that some people just want to know everything about everybody, and a few aren't beyond just making it up. I have seen ministers be crushed by cruel innuendo and congregants who leave because of gossip, either because it was aimed against them or because they didn't want to bre part of a community where people could be so cruel. The apostle Paul knew the destructive power of rumours and gossip and told congregations to knock it off.
For I fear that when I come, I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find
me not as you wish; I fear that there may perhaps be quarrelling, jealousy,
anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.
There is nothing wrong with being concerned with the well being of others and congregations can be wonderful places to support one another. But we can all ask why we want to know, and how much we really need to know and why we get a buzz from being "in the know."
What are your experiences with gossip? Have you ever felt badly about engaging in it? I have. Are churches breeding grounds for gossip? Can gossip be good?