Violence Against Women in the Light of Day

 

I'm fairly certain that there was an event marking the Elimination of Violence against Women's Day in Belleville yesterday but I can't find a news report about it anywhere. I'm not sure what that says about the perceived importance of this day which marks the launch of 16 days of activism that will conclude on 10 December 2018, International Human Rights Day. 

The truth is that violence against women happens daily. Sports stars are charged with abuse and often cut from their teams, only to resurface elsewhere. Supposedly religion-based terrorists groups such as Boko Haram kidnap school girls whom they use as sex slaves.

Violence against women can happen next door and in the next pew (metaphorically speaking)  as well, and often in situations which might shock us. A memory from the past surfaced yesterday which I hadn't recalled in at least twenty years. I was a little higher profile as a United Church minister concerned about these issues after a memorial service immediately following the Montreal Massacre of college women in 1989. I got a phone call from an agency which was trying to protect a woman who was under threat from an abusive husband. She was a pharmacist with a good position she wanted to maintain. Her partner controlled their bank accounts and the agency was wondering if our congregation could help with funds to get her an apartment which would be unknown to the husband. Even though there was a restraining order he didn't observe it, but the police were trying to help with her protection. It was all rather bewildering that this could happen to a professional woman whose circumstances were known to law enforcement. In hindsight it showed my naivete about the insidious nature of violence against women.


Recently we watched the first season of the excellent series called Big Little Lies. Nicole Kidman is a lawyer whose husband has a mercurial temper and wants her at home with their children. From the outside their relationship seems loving and they are obviously financially prosperous. There are the repeated promises that he will deal with his "demons" and he plies her with gifts, but it becomes obvious that he will not change. Kidman won an Emmy and a Golden Globe for this role, and it is important that she received the recognition for doing a fine job of addressing a subject that was the deep, dark "domestic" secret for too long. 

I figure every congregation should find ways to let congregants know that there is support for those who may feel desperate and alone in similar situations. It made a difference in the congregation I served while Ruth, my wife, worked as a counselor in a shelter for women and children leaving abusive relationships. She was approached a number of times by women who were addressing this reality in their own lives or with family members. Violence against women can't be kept a secret anymore. 

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