Yesterday I spent more than an hour with an elderly member who senses that the end of her life is near after a spirited response to cancer. She has lived as fully as possible, staying involved in various activities, enjoying her friendships. But the cancer is progressing and she is a practical person. She filled out some funeral planning sheets I gave her and we talked through her memorial service.
At the conclusion of the conversation she conceded that it all felt surreal, and admitted that she doesn't relish the final stages of her illness. She wondered aloud why we can't just end it all when we choose, the way we do with our pets. I commented that we just haven't caught up with the ethics of end-of-life yet. I pointed out that when I was born sixty years ago the lifespan for a male in Canada was fifteen years shorter. I offered "the good news is that we are living a lot longer, and the bad news is we are living a lot longer." We are generally getting more quantity of life, but not necessarily with quality. She agreed. I did encourage her that despite her failing health her essential self is still very present. But what do we do when even that is gone, or someone is suffering?
Recently a young woman named Brittany Maynard (above) ended her life even though she was only twenty-nine years old. She planned to die on the weekend because she was diagnosed with Stage IV glioblastoma multiforme, and was given six months or less to live in April. Last week she relented, issuing a video statement through Compassion & Choices in which she says she has reconsidered exactly when she will end her life: “I still feel good enough and I still have enough joy and I still laugh and smile with my family and friends enough that it doesn’t seem like the right time right now. But it will come, because I feel myself getting sicker. It’s happening each week.” Then she carried through with her plans just the same. The response to her very public lead-up to death has met with mixed reactions with many concerned that despite its positive intention that it turned dying into a spectacle. The Vatican has been harsh in it's condemnation. I don't know what to think or feel, other than sad for this young woman and all who loved her.
Recently I emailed a dear friend our age who is dealing with cancer and told her that I'm glad she's still alive. I wanted her to know that despite her struggles and physical diminishment her essence continues to burn bright. We had just spent time with her and we all enjoyed the outing, even though she knew it would take a toll in terms of energy. She was grateful for my note because she isn't always sure who she is anymore. When the end is near we will do our best to support whatever decisions she makes about treatment and the final days.
Our societal views are changing, possibly for the better. I hope that we aren't rigid in either direction and that we act with wisdom and compassion. I am uncomfortable when religious people emphatically condemn assisted suicide, but I'm not always convinced that those who are adamant about the "right to die" grasp the complexity of following this course of action. Every situation will be unique, as each of us is a unique creation of God.
Have you been through this with loved ones? Are you at peace with what they chose, and have you made your thoughts and intentions known to others? Has your faith been part of the decision-making?
No comments:
Post a Comment