Ashes to Ashes...Some Day

Cataraqui Cemetery 

Earlier this year several members of our family met at Cataraqui Cemetery in Kingston to inter the cremated remains of my late mother, Margaret, who died last November. We listened to scripture, sang, prayed, and placed the lovely urn, crafted by a cousin, into the niche. It was a sunny day and this cemetery is older with lots of mature trees. We resisted Mom's earlier notion that she be buried in the same grave site as our Dad, who died 15 years earlier. They separated and divorced a long time ago, and we imagined him mansplaining to her for eternity. 

The arrangements took a fair amount of time on the part of my brother, Eric, and of course we had to coordinate getting family members together. Oh yes, it also costs money. We certainly felt Mom deserved to be treated with dignity in death, as in life. 



I saw a CBC article out of Nova Scotia about the challenge for the funeral industry as it deals with unclaimed remains in the form of ashes. Some have been languishing in funeral homes for forty years! There are lots of reasons listed for this, including the fact that lots of families are clueless about how all this works. In some cases funeral homes have trouble tracking families down, and the government is considering new regulations. I've had my own conversations with exasperated funeral directors who have so many urns that they've run out of storage. It's not as though they can hold a yard sale. 

An aspect not discussed in the article is that as our society becomes less religious the rituals around death and dying are changing, and disappearing. Many in society figure this is a good thing, but leaving your loved ones ashes to gather dust in a funeral home back room or on the mantle piece is hardly a positive liberation from convention. Remember the scene with the cat in Meet the Parents? 

I'm glad there is greater flexibility for families and waiting nearly eight months for interment worked best for us. Everyone deserves respect, just the same, and perhaps it's time to revisit the bigger picture of "earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust."