For a few years Ruth and I engaged in a sort of guilty pleasure watching a network television competition called So You Think You Can Dance. Aspiring young dancers auditioned to be part of a select group of competitors with some eliminated each week. I don't have much interest in dance but there was something about these exuberant and talented kids that was quite compelling.
One of the contestants in 2007 was a lanky guy named Stephen Boss, although we knew him as tWitch. A hip-hop dancer, he learned other styles, as did all the others. Even though he didn't win that season his enthusiasm and charm made him a crowd favourite and his appearance opened the door to a certain fame, including a lengthy gig as the DJ for the Ellen Degeneres show.
This past December came the shocking news that tWitch had taken his own life at the age of 40 in what was a carefully planned death which protected his family from the immediate trauma of finding his body. Everyone who knew him seemed stunned because he was such a positive person who loved his wife and kids. This death was yet another reminder that the stereotypes we might have about who takes their own life simply aren't accurate. Yes, some exhibit depression or lengthy periods of mental illness, yet there is no template for suicide.
Stephen Boss -- tWitch- and family
Following tWitch's death I saw an article about the importance of acknowledging the reality of suicide within Christian communities. Many congregations have got better about recognizing mental health issues and moving away from a false notion that if just have faith in Jesus we can be healed of depression and other physical and psychological causes which may contribute to people taking their own lives.
I can't say I was all that good at addressing this during my ministry, although I did speak about depression and mental illness through the years. There was always a fair amount of response from folk, often those who were still living with the trauma of the loss of loved ones. There was everything from guilt, to shame, to anger about what had transpired with their family members and friends.
Thank God that some of the stigma around this form of death has passed and those grieving no longer feel the need to hide what has transpired. Even the term "committing suicide" suggested that a crime had been committed.
I was also directly involved with situations of suicide, including a teen, an elderly widow who was inconsolable after the death of her husband, and a man in his thirties who had struggled with bi-polar illness for years. I can't recall any seminary training which equipped me for this possibility, yet the shocking death of the teen occurred a couple of weeks into my first pastorate.
I wonder how we can be better equipped to address the challenging scope of mental health issues, including self-harm? Now retired for a while, I'm no closer to having answers. I do agree that this must be part of our conversation, not just as an abstract theological subject but as part of the reality of our existence. If Bell can provide leadership with its Let's Talk day (tomorrow), can't we talk about this together?
Our New Creed statement of faith in the United Church serves as a reminder that the God of life walks with us and we walk with one another.
2 comments:
My first direct encounter with suicide was when a woman who had effectively counselled me through the break up of my first marriage (at the ripe old age of 22), and helped me to move on and be a healthy, functioning adult, was found dead in a local hotel room, after having overdosed on some pills. I was stunned and shocked - and hurt, to think this altogether person had ended her life in such a way. Nobody in the community of faith I belonged to at the time would talk about it. I was grateful that the officiant at her funeral service did not condemn her to the fires of hell, but spoke of a loving, merciful God, who understands our private pain and brings us home to eternal rest. We never know what triggers some people to say "enough" - and we need to be caring and loving to all who are left in the aftermath.
Your comments address a number of important areas regarding suicide, Judy. We discover that those who seem to be sources of strength can be struggling with their own mental fragility without our knowing. There are times when we are shocked and even angered when a person takes their own life. There has long been the temptation in faith communities to either ignore or condemn those who have died by their own hand. And it is essential that pastors and priests respond with compassion. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience.
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