Are There Limits to Forgiveness?

Chynna Deese and Lucas Fowler

We'll probably never know why two young BC men went on a killing rampage which left a young couple in their 20's and a college teacher in his 60's dead. They took their own lives after a manhunt which stretched over a week in four provinces. 

The family of Chynna Deese, the murdered woman, remember her as loving and compassionate in life, and have offered forgiveness to the suspects and their families.They also feel that the father of one of the alleged murderers who has spoken publicly needs to be more honest about what has transpired and to perhaps offer an apology.

Is this actually forgiveness when there are conditions?. Should forgiveness be unconditional? There are some notions of forgiveness which suggest that the purest form is unilateral, without expectations of repentance or reciprocation. Yet that really isn't the biblical model, even though God's love may be seen as unconditional. Meaningful forgiveness is usually bilateral (from both directions) and involves repentance (saying sorry) and a commitment not to repeat the harm or offence. 



I'll be leading a study group on forgiveness at Trenton UC in October and I've begun my preparation. I'm using material from past studies, which I've always appreciated, but I'm reading two excellent books called The Limits of Forgiveness and Anger and Forgiveness. Both dispel some of the false premises about forgiveness which run the danger of re-victimizing victims.

Whether we can forgive and what forgiveness looks like are among the most important aspects of Christian faith and the discussion needs to happen again and again. We were out for dinner with two couples recently, all Christians, and it was fascinating to hear their outlook on the challenges of forgiveness. 

Hey, you're welcome to join us in October!