Still Doubting, Still Believing

 

                                                 The Incredulity of St. Thomas -- Caravaggio 1601-02 

A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.”  Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!”  Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

John 20:  26-29 NRSVue 

This is the first Sunday after our Christian celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus, the Christ. This year some United Church congregations will be celebrating it as Earth Sunday and may choose appropriate scripture passages but the lectionary will follow tradition and offer the passage from John's gospel about the skeptical or doubting disciple, Thomas. John tells us that Thomas wasn't present when the Risen Christ appeared to them on Easter evening. Jesus comes to them again, offering assurance and inviting Thomas to touch the wounds from his crucifixion. It is high drama and a powerful invitation into our own wrestling with faith and doubt.

This brings to mind a scene in one of the most streamed films in recent days, Conclave. It is about choosing a new pope after the death of a beloved, left-leaning pontiff. The central character is Cardinal Lawrence who as dean has the challenging task of bringing together the "herd of cats", the college of cardinals from around the world, some of whom jockey for position while doing their utmost to appear humble and unworthy of this sacred trust.

                                                                 Ralph Fiennes as Cardinal Lawrence 

Cardinal Lawrence lives with his own doubts and wants to retire to an order to address his struggles with prayer. In his opening address to the conclave he goes off his safe and dull script to say:

 “There is one sin which I have come to fear above all others: certainty. Certainty is the great enemy of unity. Certainty is the deadly enemy of tolerance. … Our faith is a living thing precisely because it walks hand in hand with doubt. If there was only certainty and no doubt, there would be no mystery and, therefore, no need for faith. Let us pray that God grants us a pope who doubts.” 

Of course this ruffles the feathers of the men in red and while it does seem to be dramatic license, consider these words from Pope Francis :

If someone has answers to all the questions, this is proof that God is not with them.It means that they are a false prophet, someone who exploits religion, who uses it for themselves. The great guides of God’s people, like Moses, always left space for doubt.

Francis was a person of deep Christian faith who "walked the walk" along with "talking the talk" yet he made room for doubt as a sign of humility. Doubt is not noble and it's a miserable place to be stuck, but it is the shadow side of faith. 

I have experienced lots of doubt through the years, often most deeply because of the dismaying actions of people whose certainty about their flavour of religion is an embarrassment to the gospel. This extends to other religions as well. 

I also wonder why the wicked prosper, a question repeated in scripture. And why do the innocent and vulnerable suffer? Where is God in all this? 

At times I question why I continue to believe, and yet I do. Easter is a day, but it is also a season in the Christian year. I hope that these weeks will be a time of renewal, a deepening of faith for all of us, and that Jesus, crucified and Risen, will assure us -- "peace be with you." 

 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples that are not written in this book.  But these are written so that you may continue to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.

John 20: 30-31 NRSVue

                                                    Still Doubting -- John Granville Gregory, 1990