"Out of the Closet", Faithfully

 

This is Pride Month in Canada, an opportunity to acknowledge the challenges and accomplishments of the LGBTQ2S+ community across the country. We attended the regional event in Picton, a town in Prince Edward County and somewhat to our surprise there was a big turnout and a really celebratory vibe. I saw a long lineup of really...colourful...individuals at a food venue where the vendors were a Syrian once-refugee family we know, the two women dressed in black hijabs. I had to smile, proud that this is the Canada I want to celebrate, one where there is broad acceptance and inclusion. 

I caught a glimpse of a former parishioner from a congregation I served and I sought him out through the crowd. He was there as part of a group sponsoring LGBTQ2S+ refugees from countries where their orientation is shunned and decried, often led by religious groups. In some of those countries their orientation is illegal and even punishable by death.

We caught up on our lives and he told me that his partner had died, a source of deep sadness. I assumed that he was a gay man but he never spoke of his orientation and he never acknowledged he had a same-gender partner even though we had several LGBTQ2S+ staff members in the congregation. 

Looking back through 37 years of pastoral ministry I can identify a number of LGBTQ2S+ members in the various congregations I served who never "came out of the closet" during my time, or only did so with considerable caution and with the assumption that I wouldn't share this reality with others. They didn't want the drama or possible rejection and in some situations they were not "out" to family or even spouses. Closeted is an older but apt term because they too often were in a stiflingly enclosed place psychologically and spiritually. And think about it, heterosexuals don't have to identify their orientation in any public way.

A couple of weeks after I began ministry in 1980 in outport Newfoundland a boy of 16 took his own life. He walked past his family watching television, took a rifle out of a cupboard, and went  into the backyard where he shot himself. The traumatized family called the paramedics, police, and the new minister. Because the first two were nearly an hour away I arrived first to the chaotic scene and went to the body in the dark. There is no seminary preparation for this sort of pastoral situation and I was 25-years-old. 

It was decades before it occurred to me that this bright young man, passionate about the arts and theatre, may have been gay and quietly in despair. While this may be stereotyping on my part, his interests were certainly uncharacteristic for guys his age in that culture. Derogatory jokes and nasty terms for gay people were still very much in use at that time. 

We have come a long way in our society but we need to continue on a path of affirmation and love in Christ's name. God give us the grace and courage to lead the way, faithfully.