Thursday, December 15, 2011

Demented

I have been pondering dementia of late, that spectrum of illnesses including Alzheimer's which robs people of memory and eventually the fundamental skills to stay alive. To describe someone as "demented" seems harsh, even cruel, along the lines of "addled" yet we use the term dementia regularly. This is the season for me to visit many of our elders and a considerable number of them have been diagnosed with dementia.

The other afternoon I saw a woman who is in decline. I asked her about reading because everytime I visit she has a book in hand. She admitted that she just doesn't read the same way she did. When I commented that she had been in this particular nursing home for several years now she told me quite firmly that it was only a year and she likes if very much. There was no point in arguing about the time line.

Several other persons I have seen recently were having a good day, clear of the anxiety and intense confusion which often plagues them. Sometimes this is the most we can hope for. I take my bible with me and read the Christmas story from Luke, which is so familiar to most of them. Then I pray. I am often struck by their attentiveness, as though the storm clouds have scudded away for a holy moment and the sun has emerged. I suppose it is the Son. On occasion someone will speak in the midst of the reading offering a commentary or a recollection, as though they are entering into the narrative or reliving their past. I find I am often quite tired after a number of these visits because I am subtlely required to work harder than in other visits.

I suppose a lot of us are at least mildly fearful of becoming demented. We can't find our keys or blank on a familiar name and we wonder if this is the beginning of the end when in fact we just need a decent night's sleep. Surely we hope and pray that those in our circle will continue to love us no matter what road our complex brains take us down.

Do you support someone with dementia? Does it scare you enough that you shie away from those who are suffering from it? I wonder whether we will ever develop a mature practical theology of dementia rather than muddling along as best we can. All I know for sure is that God loves them.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am not supporting someone with dementia, but I know others who are. It strikes me as the hardest grief to live through, to lose a loved one by incriments, while at the same time holding on to and cherishing the fact of their bodily presence. I can't imagine such a parting.

roger said...

I am at a time in my life where I find myself thinking about just how vulnerable we really are.

All of those people you see, David, were once healthy, able-bodied(and minded) people.

I am constantly being bombarded with news, seemingly every week, of yet someone else I know who has been struck by cancer or some other disease....the latest being last night.

Now, more than ever, I truly am grateful for each and every day. I am healthy - and one day that won't be the case.

Maybe you could say I view life in a morbid, fatalistic way, but it has certainly made me feel stronger than ever in facing the usual bumps in the road of life.

Laura said...

I do help in the care of my dear Mom, who has lived with Alzheimer's for about 10 years now.

I don't know that grief can ever be graded as there are so many that live with extreme pain and loss everyday but the path of dimentia is one of the hard ones for sure.

The exhaustion you speak of after visiting these folks, David, is I think one of the greatest challenges for those in the primary caregivers role.

You touched on another challenge of the Alzheimer's journey from our experience in your wondering if people shy away from these situations. Understandably, it does happen. It is a lonely journey. People stop visiting and even inquiring after the loved one.

Mom has had very difficult stages of this journey, and every journey is so different. Today she is mostly contented. I probbaly laugh more with my Mom now, than ever.She doen't seem to carry the attachment or worries of the world anymore.

As I recently read a very worthwhile book written by a Buddhist couple journeying through Alzheimer's, I was struck by the wisdom of Hob, living with Alzheimer's, articulating that he was living a "different truth" now. This couple spoke of their Buddha refuges being found in "wise ones" like Buddha (or Jesus for Christians),
"dharma" (or truth)being beliefs/practices that carried us through life
and "sangha" or community of fellow seekers.
And you touched on all of those David in your visits and conviction of God's love of our loved ones. At St Paul's, with our visiting programs,prayer groups and your regular holding up of our whole community ,I know we aren't as muddled as you might refer.

David Mundy said...

All three are thoughtful responses. Thank you.

You're right Laura -- we have a wonderful group of pastoral visitors who spend time with our folk. Maybe we are farther along it our understanding and support that we give credit for.