Giving a Damn About the Complexity of Grief

                                                                Vivian Silver -- peace activist 

 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.  For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died

   I Thessalonians 4:13-14 NRSVue

People around the world have been mourning the loss of Vivian Silver, a peace-activist who was missing after the brutal attacks by Hamas terrorists on October 7th. In the early days her family wondered if she was a prisoner but her remains were found in her burned home a couple of days ago and today was her funeral.  Silver was a Canadian who lived in Israel for decades and worked relentlessly to build bridges between Israelis and Palestinians. Her death is senseless, especially given her commitment to peace. 

Why would we feel grief over the death of someone we hadn't met? How do we explain what evokes grief at any time? It's understandable to experience sorrow when close family or friends die. Some people have admitted to me that they felt a deeper sense of loss after the death of a pet than for a spouse!

We may also grieve over the loss of a familiar place or a sense of the presence of God. Of late I have been mourning the disturbing decline in civility and democracy in society. The avalanche of news about the dire state of the planet's climate patterns and the loss of biodiversity and habitat has also affected me deeply, as though I have lost a loved one. 

In congregational ministry I was a companion and midwife in grief in hundreds,perhaps thousands of circumstances, both formally (funerals) and informally. While I came to a deeper understanding of grieving through the years I never became reconciled to it. 

Not long ago the Christian Century magazine shared a link to what is labelled the Damn-Giver Community Grief Survey. It was developed by writer and pastor John Pavlovitz and it invites responses to some basic but thought-provoking questions. It reminds us that grief is multi-faceted and constantly morphing into new forms and expressions. Here is one of the  questions: 

Grief comes in many forms. Which of these have you experienced in the last several years? (Check all that apply.)

• Loss of someone you love
• Loss of an important relationship
• Loss of a job
• Loss of your health
• Loss of your idea of America (Canada?)
• Loss of faith or your idea of the church
• Loss of hope

I often used the verses above at funerals and memorials, not as a negation of grief but as an encouragement to put it in the context of our resurrection hope through Jesus Christ. We don't deny grief, but we can give a damn and walk together seeking light in the midst of sorrow. 

                                             Kaethe Kollwitz, The Parents, 1923, Woodcut Print