Monday, May 28, 2012

Theological Bloopers

Tom Beaudoin is a theology prof at Fordham University in the U.S. He has posted student bloopers, the sometimes desperate and highly amusing attempts of students to interpret what he has imparted to them as they write exams. Here is an example:

On Scripture

The closest written text to the period of the Big Bang is the Bible, which is
the underlying scripture of the Christian tradition, and one of the earliest and
most influential texts available for theologians. In the Bible, God is loving,
forgiving, powerful, and a creationist. In the Book of Genius, God created all
the living and nonliving, proclaiming his intention ‘good.’


For tempting Adam and Eve, God scalds the serpent. With regard to Adam and Eve,
I am so tired of being told that because of two fictitious people
I am not dancing around naked with Brittany Spheres.

God promised never to erase mankind again but there is no
mention that He won’t screw with us. God led the Israelites out of Egypt to the
land of cannon, so they could make scarifeces in the woods. God wreaks havoc on
the Egyptians in a fairy tale manor. I really like interrupting the scriptures
in class.


Luke’s gospel tells of shepherds who come to worship a babe. In the Greek
language of the Gospel of John, Jesus is described as the “haggis” or Word of
God. Mary Magdalene was the first to see the woman Christ. Women were
whitenesses of the death of Jesus. Jesus always tells people that he is the sun
of God. Jesus amazed people, starting with his emasculate conception. The
passion of Christ is a dramatic, griping story. The New Testament ends with the
reformation, and allows the writers to see into heaven. The Bible should not be
rewritten because it is apart of the Christian Tradition.



http://www.americamagazine.org/blog/entry.cfm?blog_id=2&entry_id=1813


Jesus as the haggis? I did not know he was Scottish! How did "Brittany Spheres" get into the "Book of Genius?" Ah, dear readers, I laughed until I cried.

Am I alone in finding this hilarious?

4 comments:

IanD said...

"Emasculate conception?!"

Ouch!

Lynnof60 said...

All I know is that I'm feeling a whole lot better taking this course!!!

Laurie said...

Thanks for my morning laugh!

Anonymous said...

I don't know,I disagree with the student who says the bible should not be rewritten, I think the bible could be re-written. (not to mention the fact that it has already been rewritten several times)A bible written entirely from student bloopers might be an interesting and amusing look at the art of interpretation. :)